GONE SPORTIN' COLUMN
by Colton McChudd
So this fella David Hayes' granddaughter asks him to hold her Barbie rod and reel while she attended to her water closet needs. This fella did. And seconds later he landed a whopper, a state record catfish at 21 pounds, 1 ounce.
Well la-deee-da.
Color me unimpressed. When I was a boy I must have bested this achievement three or four times every afternoon. I'm not one to brag but in my day this wouldn't even ranked as "interesting conversation", yet alone an "achievement".
Not to blow my own horn, but i'll give you the rough outlines of some of my "sporting with little girl's toys" yarns.
On a whim, I lured Nessie out of her Loch with an EZ Bake oven. To save my own life, I killed two bears with a baby doll that could wet itself. I once rode a 2 inch tall plastic horse 50 miles to save the life of a fevered child. On a bet, I made a raft out of a jump rope and sailed to the Cape of Good Hope. I survived for two months in an ice cave on a diet of glitter and buttons.
So pardon me if I don't get that excited about the fella with the barbie fishing pole. With that kinda hardware I could change the course of history.
Patience is a virtue...
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7 comments
la-deee-da…………… sah-da-tay…..
i saved the dali llama with a cap pistol once… and as a reward he told me that i would have total enlightment on my deat bed… so i got that going for me.
And another thing. I feel sorry for that fish. It was probably close to 20 years old. New studies show that fish recognize other individuals, are a lot smarter than originally assumed, and have plenty of pain receptors. And this one’s life got ended by a fat fuck with a Barbie fishing pole. Ouch.
If you want to talk about doing things with two inch objects, I’m your man.
Wait, that’s not what I meant.
Big deal. I speed-read this story in 1.7 seconds, memorized the entire thing, and then re-arranged the words to come up with an explanation for what happens at the vortex of a black hole. It has to do with glitter, which worked out pretty well.
radio interview with the guy.
http://82.165.149.221/CustFiles/wnor/39686.446151169pod0826-6am1.mp3
2" tall plastic horse … HIGH-larious!