Starting to plan a few Footastics for next quarter. I wanted to see if we have any requests for themes or parodies?

We shoot two this weekend. They are bigger productions again but I have Kate and Shellie as directors to do some of the stressing out for me ;)

The two this weekend make 7. We have a few in preproduction. I'm thinking we want 12-14 total in the series by end of April and then will go on to another series unless we have a mass following begging for more.

We have one music video. I'd like one more of those. And a commercial would be cool.

Jacki (SJP)

Lots going on in SJP land this weekend.

Will shoot 4 episodes of Footastic Theater with a crew. That's my brand new comedy video series. Funnebone wrote 2 episodes. We'll shoot in three locations (4 if you count the shower scene) with 8-10 actors including extras. A real DP is on board and everything. Shall be interesting to see if this concept goes over well. I hope that we at least have fun. Everybody seems so serious. I'll fix that. We have 3 producers on some of these, which should keep it lively. It was easy to get people excited about working on it, which is a good sign I guess.

Today I record an audio interview for FunnynotSlutty.com with our very own Stephanie Scott of The Retributioners. And I'm going to start on an interview with the September featured artist, Nicole Terry. Nicole did those Buckwheat's Sister and Three Faces videos you see here and on youtube. Nicole is most fascinating and will be a great interview.

I'm recovering just in time to get moving on everything. Came very close to some unbelievably amazing job opportunities this week, but NOT QUITE. Add to it that I came close to starting a serious relationship with the Real Hottie Soldier the week before but NOT QUITE, and I've felt like I was punched in the face. But onward and upward...I hope...

SJP

1. Creative brainstorming. This usually happens when you are procrastinating. Like when it's time to clean the kitchen or break up with the guy you have been dating.

2. Planning. The key part of this is to be realistic about what resources you actually have at hand as opposed to what say, they have at Pixar Studios. Pixar Studios has access to a 3-D scanner. I don't have a copy of After Effects at home, just PhotoShop Extended.

3. Then the stress of working out all the crap. Seeking the basics of what you need and getting teams together. Who has a 1960's era suitcase I can borrow? Where can we shoot in the Atlanta area without getting shot?

4. Calming the storms. Will any cast members have to go into rehab just before taping? Will production geeks get a better gig or get pissed and leave when one of their rivals join the crew? Creatives always know a better way. Their way. You have to explain yourself a lot and win people over to your way of thinking. The producer is always an idiot.

5. Then wigging out and losing sleep and rushing around like a crazy person right before. Try not to forget to eat and drink. My stomach growled throughout the voice taping of my SJP episoce because I forgot to eat.

6. The mayhem ensues on your shoot. Any shoot. It’s not for the faint of heart. People forget stuff. Things go wrong. Equipment fails. Someone wants you to get off their property or some BS…Producers and production fight.

7. Edit the sucker and think of what you could have done better, damn it.

8. Show the damn thing already. You are sick of looking at it.

9. Repeat.

FAT is the NEW THIN

We’ve all heard the buzz. 50’s are the new 40’s. 40’s are the new 30’s. Cougars are the new wasted floozies …But if you really are keen you have seen … FAT is the NEW THIN!

That’s right. Tides have rolled in for the rolley and the polley. Our basic human mating preference social structure has made a definite turn.

Let’s review. To understand this paradigm we need to break down the sexes into their respective categories as classified by their opposites.

You see, we have three types of men: You have your Average Joes, your Chubby Chasers, and your 3-V men. Average Joes are just that, they follow the norm. Chubby Chasers, well, they have been ahead of the curve. And the much celebrated 3-V’s (that stands for vjay-jay is vjay-jay is vjay-jay ) are more evolved and respect all shapes and sizes of women. Or, they just want to screw anything void of male appendages. Jury is still out on that one.

Now, we will discover the less complex classification by men of women. The types of women are: Skinny-Bitches. And Fat-Asses. Simple. Should there be a need for digression, as in the case of a woman who has recently birthed a child or may have status confusing curves...there is a scientific identifier. What you do is, you note what said medium sized woman is doing at 7pm most nights of the week. If she is in the express line at the grocery purchasing a single container of yogurt wearing yoga pants on a stop during her commute between the gym and her home, said woman is a Skinny-Bitch.  If said woman is sitting in front of her computer or television in her underwear eating Cheetos and Nutter Butters, well…She now reigns supreme.

How has this appreciation of the pudgy and cute come to light? It started, you may remember, with Monica Lewinsky. And that single public discovery has perpetuated over time to influence the overwhelming majority of men previously referred to as Average Joes. You see, Average Joes are the deciding factor. And they are making some bold realizations about women and sexuality. I mean, which is sexier? A woman who looks at a chicken wing and queaks from her scrawny little neck, “Eww-yucky-I-don’t-want-it-I-don’t-want-it-I-don’t-want-it.” Or, one of the many available women who take one whiff and moan hungrily, “Feeeeed meeeee”.

I've just been alluded to as an "unfunny cunt." I'm positively ecstatic at reaching this new height of recognition.

The first question is, how shall I incorporate my new status into my public image as well as my media projects? Let's see...Does anyone know where to find an official Unfunny Cunt name badge to wear to networking events? Or what about those Unfunny Cunt interactive graphic badges to add to my myspace page? Unfunny Cunt group in Facebook? Sign me up.

The next step will be to announce my new status in a press release - "Southern Jewish Princess has been named Unfunny Cunt of the Week by the Association of Illiterate Bitter Narcissistic Chauvinistic C-Listers."

I'm not sure all of that will be enough. I'm going to take my status to the next level. I'm changing my branding. Instead of Southern Jewish Princess Media, my production group will now be referred to as Unfunny Cunt Southern Jewish Princess Media. And my cartoon will now be renamed, How to Live and Eat like an Unfunny Cunt Southern Jewish Princess.

How do you achieve such heights, you ask? You want to become knowledgeable about this course of development so that you can guide your sons and daughters toward this level of achievement? Ahhh, I wish it was that easy. You see, every individual has to find their own inner Unfunny Cunt. Some of us are naturals; some are late blooming, as I was. All I can do is share my own journey and hope it inspires others.

You see, I have had a lot going on in the last two weeks. I have finished (with an amazing team) and published a little cartoon teaser clip that I’ve been working on for months, and then it climbed the hot list to #30 of over 2300 animations on Funny or Die, and hopefully will continue to climb. I found out that my website, Funny not Slutty was listed with award, and just published new better than ever stories on the site. …Whew. But, this has caused a bit of a stir for a few. They have not heard much about me and don’t know me and they are tired of seeing my admittedly frequent updates as of late. Hence, committee hearings and public discussions have concluded and confirmed my new status.

What, my friends, is the secret to becoming an Unfunny Cunt? I’m not sure, but I do know there have been some amazing of us out there, and hopefully many more will emerge during my journey.

SJP

PS. I just registered the domain name unfunnycunt.com (really). Not sure exactly what I'll do with it. Might make it my personal blog. I'm currently designing the t-shirts.