A much needed list of career opportunities for those of us raised by television.

Full Credits

My cat. My parents for having a television raise me. Blossom. The nineties.

Stats & Data

Start a troupe that only dances in monochromatic rooms to extremely cheesy soul music stressing the importance of family values.

Begin a stray cat removal service but only hire illegal aliens, like "Alf".

Open a used clothing store that only sells Cosby sweaters, Blossom hats & copies of that one rooster//egg shirt Roseanne always wore.

Start a nanny service that only employs girl crazy men in their early 20s who have no business raising children.

(See "Charles in Charge" for more information.)

Invest in an unrealistically large menu & a wireless ear-bud/mic set so that you can start a business following people around on their dates.

**NOTE: Provide advice in the most conspicuous manner possible, that way there is absolutely no way this business plan can fail. 

Become a stylist for NBA stars. They love to dress like Urkel anyway.

Invent a Kimmy Gibler endorsed foot oder spray.

"Carl Winslow's Security & Donuts"

Write a self-help book teaching people to take the good, take the bad, take them both; so that they TOO can have, "The Facts of Life!

Become an unsuccessful comedian! (because it is just working out so well for me...)

Be prepared to sleep past noon & spend a lot of time eatting ramen in your underwear while your cat gives you dirty looks...