Whether you're watching a viral video of a puppy or your favorite music video, scroll down and there they are, the philosophers of YouTube! Here is an illustrated guide to whose really behind all those profoundly concise comments.

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David Blaine

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The Brat

No one really knows why The Brat is so angry, but judging by the maturity level of someone who will take the time to leave a cruel comment on a 13 year old's karaoke version of Justin Bieber's “Baby”, their parent's must have bought them the wrong Barbie doll for their birthday.  

The Boob and/or Ass Man

It doesn't matter how serious or dark the subject matter, The Boob and/or Ass Man is always there to parade his sexual desperation for the world to see. He is the Internets equivalent to the creepy uncle in the family. Leaving you wondering both, “was that REALLY necessary?!” and “when can I take a scalding hot shower?!”

The Amorphous Blob

Either The Amorphous Blob is responsible for all those random letter comments or there is a secret language amongst obsessive YouTube viewers, the world may never know.

The Evangelist

Because there is no better way to spread your religious doctrine than a misspelled and rambling comment on “Kitten Learns To climb Stairs”, NO better way.  

The Identity Crisis

Anyone who would take time out of their day to answer any of the previous 4 commentators in clear syntax is clearly having an identity crisis. Writing a 3 paragraph, spell-checked reply to “BRITNEY SPEARS IZ WHOREBAGk” is the equivalent of a house cat whose decided to try his luck as a stock broker. You are severely confused, sir. Severely.