So much happened this season. And by that, I mean Favre showed his penis to everyone, Vick made everyone forget about his being a terrible person and all, etc.
1. We All Acted Like Michael Vick Didn't Torture Dogs. Oh Us!
There's no denying that Michael Vick's comeback season was nothing short of phenomenal. But it overlooked the more important story: it seems to have erased the memory of his dogfighting charges. Without that, who really is Michael Vick? Just a guy who knowingly gave herpes to many, many unsuspecting women. Who happens to be really good at football.
2. The Mannings Continued to be the Mannings
Peyton Manning's little brother continued to let people down, as his team was unable to reach the playoffs despite a promising start. It's understandable, considering the defenses opposing teams threw at him during the last few weeks: informing him that they'd seen Santa's naughty list and he was the first name listed. As for the elder Manning, he continued to guide his team to the playoffs despite having a wide-receiving corp that resembled the Duke basketball team.
3. Brett Favre's Penis
4. Ben Roethlisberger's Stint as a TSA Agent
Totally happened. I swear.
5. Patriots Got Back to Being the Patriots.
And it's about time. We all need to hate somebody. Plus, I like to picture Bill Belichick telling Tom Brady "sweep the leg" during every time out.
6. Mid-Season Head Coach Firings
Not pictured: the party sub that Wade Philips drowned his sorrows in.
7. Steve Johnson's Tweet
Breakout wide-receiver Stevie Johnson dropped what would've been the game-winning touchdown pass in a dramatic come-from-behind victory over the Steelers. Johnson then took to twitter (as anyone who lives in the spotlight should) and blamed God: "I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS???? HOW???? ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!! THX THO..."
Listen, as someone who apparently hates himself, I'm a Bills fan. Johnson implying God let him down is nothing new. If history has proven anything, God has frequently shown that he takes great pleasure in tormenting Buffalo, its players, and its fans. Knowing that God hates us is why we continue. Thurman Thomas didn't blame God for losing his helmet in the Superbowl. O.J. Simpson didn't blame God when murdered innocent people. We just accept it and cry.
8. Peyton Hillis FINALLY Gives White People a Fair Shake
FEATURED ABOVE: Announcers' logic in referring to Peyton Hillis as a fullback.
9. Donovan McNabb's Benching in Favor of Rex Grossman
Have we seen the last of McNabb? Probably not. But Sexy Rexy should not be a professional quarterback. He should be hanging out with Eli Manning in the game room of Funtime USA.
10. The Falcons Dominated the NFC...
But nobody gave a shit. I mean, have you seen Drew Brees' baby?
11. Ray Lewis Murdered At Least 27 People
It's the little things - the stuff that doesn't show up in the box score - that make Ray Lewis special.
For the Hell of It, Here Are Some More Brett Favre Pics...
Going Through Airport Security
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