Never judge a book by its cover. Except when encountering books such as these.

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June 08, 2012

Why does it say "YUM" on the cover of a book about Mr. Poop?

Reading is at an all time low, despite brief resurgences in popularity due to the "Harry Potter" series, "Twilight" and "The Hunger Games", all of which are, to me, the literary equivalent of an Alabama Hotpocket. I personally blame such offputting marketing decisions such as these examples of eye rape that adorn the covers of the following books. They say "never judge a book by its cover", but I think in this case it's fairly safe to do so. For more brainfarts, follow Sean on TWITTER. He awkwardly writes in the third person when promoting himself.

The belated sequel to "The Enchanted Anus."

Aficionados of G.I.L.F porn, for starters.

A better title would be "Are frustrated virgins authors?"

Apparently if you stuff the muffler with shaved ham, it feels almost like the real thing...

On Dane Cook's required reading list.

Definitive proof that Soccer is the manliest game around.

"Listen to One Direction."

The advantages section is only a sentence long.

Is this book about Lesbians who ride horses or about Lesbian horses?

Chess, apparently, is the greatest aphrodisiac.

Heh heh... Pooh.

Actually a heart wrenching account of a medical condition that affects 78% of Frat guys.

How Red were the Communists?

This. Exists.

1. Squat. 2. Release. 3. Wipe. The End.

It's recommended that you build your fancy Coffin PRIOR to pulling a MIchael Hutchence..

Stripping herself of dignity, that is.

Blazing Embers is a euphemism for "getting roughly sodomised by your grandfather in a bathtub. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!

The original title "Skull Fuck" was inexplicably rejected.

Once they breed, humanity is doomed!

I think they got the title backwards.

Also known as "The Coprophagia Cookbook." You haven't cooked until you've tried frying with feces.

It's even easier to get groped by a lecherous, pederast Beethoven, apparently.

How did we miss all of the blatant clues that Freddie Mercury was gay?

"Here Jimmy, hold my man-rifle for a minute, would you?"

The dilemma in question is allowing George W. Bush to steal babies.

S&M, TRON style.

This has to be a porno about garbage truck orgies, right? Right?

From the look on Trixie's face, it appears that the secret of the mansion somehow involves her friend fisting her ass.

They prayed every day to be removed from the giant's crotch, but their prayers went unanswered.

Shortly followed by the moment of ejaculation.

The long awaited sequel to "The Day Ejaculators." Two ejaculation jokes in a row... Wow, that's just lazy.

William Katt's autobiography.

Yeah, because the ONE thing the priesthood is lacking in is children... Sigh.

The original name settlers gave to Tasmania.

Being awesome also involves dressing like Zack Morris and enthralling your ethnically diverse group of friends with tales detailing just how fuckawesome you really are.

Again, there's an entire genre of porn dedicated to them, so someone obviously cares.

This is what stepmothers are supposed to be like? For Realsies? My entire childhood was a blue balled lie!

Because fuck cats, that's why. Homewrecking sumbitches.

Alone and using your bitter tears as lubricant = Rhino Style.

Just make sure you remember to lock them back up once you're done.

Seriously, what the fuck is going on here?

Officially the saddest book ever... But the Amazon reviews are absolute gold!

Recommended colors - Blue Waffle, Gonorrhea Discharge Green, Vulva Pink, Menstrual Vermillion and Seventies Bush Black.