The new year is upon us, and if you are struggling with your New Year's resolutions already, then add following these 30 hilarious fellas to your list! Check out my collection of funny tweeters and my favorite tweets of theirs. Be sure to follow them all on Twitter and Enjoy!
By Paul Franke 9.2k views More Info
108 Funny Votes
28 Die Votes
9,160 Views
Published: January 02, 2013

Aaron Burdette

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Mario returns from another day of golfing, karting and tennis. "Did you do any plumbing today?" his wife asks. A hungry baby cries." @AaronBurdette

Alex J. Mann

Favorite Tweet Pick: "We get it, girls with short hair. Okay no we don't." @alexjmann

Andy Kozel

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Women love to write famous people's deep quotes on Facebook that have the absolute opposite message of the way they live their lives." @andykozel

Uptighty Whitey

Favorite Tweet Pick: "They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that's a good way to save $ 399,984.05." @apatheticist

Billy Lotion

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Does speed kill?  Over 15,000 people die annually from stimulants. You do the meth." @BillSleazy

Ceej

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime." @ceejoyner

Chris Thayer

Favorite Tweet Pick: " ”Madea Goes To...*spins giant wheel*...WAFFLE HOUSE? Well, the wheel has spoken, boys; let's make a movie!” -Tyler Perry's creative process" @ChrisThayerSays

Dave Segal

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Screw tax returns, I wanna see their Google searches for the last five years" @DaveSegal

Donni

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked." @donni

Eddie Brawley

Favorite Tweet Pick: Hello, I'm waiter, I'll be your Walter tonight. Wait, the other way around. Sorry, first day. Care for a glass of Walter? Ooh boy ok @ebrawley

Jeffrey Hadz

Favorite Tweet Pick: Started a game of hide and seek with my dad 20 years ago haha he's the best where are you man @Hadzilla

Ferg

Favorite Tweet Pick: Just so we're clear on this, wait for me to dip then you dip then we both dip. @hobo_hands

IanWearsPants

Favorite Tweet Pick: Sometimes I pretend my hoodie sleeves are elephant trunks. My vote counts just as much as yours. @IanWearsPants

Tom Jamieson

Favorite Tweet Pick: BREAKING: The Earth confirms that with Instagram being down tonight's sunset has been cancelled. @jamiesont

Jonathon Taylor Wiener

Favorite Tweet Pick: my heart says "tu", but my libido says "usted" @JonWiener

Kurt Braunohler

Favorite Tweet Pick: Just ONCE I'd like to dramatically realize something so hard that MY coffee mug falls out of my hand and smashes on the floor in slo-mo @kurtbraunohler

Lee Rubenstein

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Everybody dance exactly now." -O&CD Music Factory @Lee_Rubenstein

Shawn

Favorite Tweet Pick: When my ex was on her period I would say "catch ya later, ovulater!". And she'd say "stop fucking saying that it's stupid". Haha we had fun. @MollyRingwraith

Nick Stadler

Favorite Tweet Pick: If you set fire to LMFAO they'll become ROTFLMAO. @Nickadoo

Nick Mullen

Favorite Tweet Pick: wait unicorns arent real? are u saying I SUCKED OFF A REGULAR HORSE??? @nickmullen

Nick Spears

Favorite Tweet Pick: "I'm pretty stoked Michael Bay didn't get directing rights to my works." - J.R.R. Tolkien chatting with God @nickspears

West Lee

Favorite Tweet Pick: I'm not surprised Kristen Stewart couldn't act faithful. She can't act happy, sad, frightened, mad, shocked or aroused either. @NotthatAdamWest

Mike Pomranz

Favorite Tweet Pick: The guy who invented the couch should run for president. His campaign slogan could be "Dude, I invented the fucking couch." @pomranz

Rob Fee

Favorite Tweet Pick: Too bad Anne Frank never saw Home Alone. Could have been a serious game changer in my opinion. @robfee

Comedy's Ron Babcock

Favorite Tweet Pick: I want to see a TV show where people doing the master cleanse have to go to Africa and tell starving children about it. @ronbabcock

SpaceJamb

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Who ARE these people?" yelled Jerry Seinfeld, surrounded by those closest to him. The dementia had gutted him, the laughter had died. @SpaceJamb

Josh Patten

Favorite Tweet Pick: "Hurricane Sandy." - Madea, informing Andy that the cans are right here. @thejoshpatten

Jeff Lyons

Favorite Tweet Pick: Just bought an orange juice at Starbucks because I was tired of carrying around $4.65. @usedwigs

Zach Broussard

Favorite Tweet Pick: In England they call cigarettes 'football' @ZachBroussard

Zach Sherwin

Favorite Tweet Pick: "I'm opening a cremation service called "Burnt and Urny." @zachsherwin

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