In the modern 24-hour news cycle, a fresh story centered on a Lindsay Lohan car crash pops up roughly every 11.3 hours, that's a scientific fact. Say what you will about her, but there is simply no denying that Lindsay is the world's premiere vehicular menace. In fact, she is destroying automobiles with such remarkable efficiency, it's likely that you may have missed a few of her recent snafus...
After replacing her totaled Porsche with an enormous, clown-endorsed SUV, Lohan was spotted running a helpless, and severely wrinkled little man clear off the road. She is currently wanted for attempted vehicular Moleman-slaughter in Springfield, USA.
Lindsay was captured by security cameras in a Beverly Hills garage attempting to flee the scene of small accident early last week. To be fair though, who among us can say we haven't gotten a bit overzealous and bumped the wall while parking?
After stumbling out of "The Drunken Weasel," a popular late night hot spot in Toon Town, Lindsay barely made it across the border before slamming a wisecracking, but innocent animated taxi into an all-too-real lamppost. And some would argue she deserved it after stealing Eddie Valiant's hat from the coat check.
It was a brief foray into the world of professional stock car racing for Lindsay, who in her recent debut, managed to incur all of this damage without ever leaving pit road. And yet, she somehow still managed to finish ahead of Danica Patrick.
Yesterday, Lindsay pulled a Delorean DMC-12 in front of a locomotive in a desperate attempt to travel back in time and rewrite all of her tragic missteps. Not suprisingly though, the end result was not a trip through space or time, but a much more appropriately ironic massive train wreck.