Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.
By BrianLisi October 26, 2012 110 views More Info

So far in Ohio, 60 percent of early voters have voted for President Obama. Thankfully being unemployed gives you a lot of free time.

Hillary Clinton suggested she may stay on as secretary of state. Though that doesn't mean she's outright saying no to hosting a show on Fuse.

Syria's army has called for a truce for four days to observe the Muslim holiday Eid. Like Christians, they also respect acting like they're faithful twice a year.

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Obama refers to Mitt Romney as a "bullshitter." Not totally unfair since Romney promised four years ago to close Guantanomo Bay.

Meanwhile, Colin Powell has once again endorsed Obama for president. Said Powell, "Unlike last time, this is entirely because we're both black."

Meteorlogists say a snowstorm/hurricane amalgam may hit the Northeast next week. Likewise, there's a 60 percent chance of me using the word amalgam again, because it's fantastic.

WikiLeaks says it will be releasing documents that cover detainment policies in Iraq and Guantanamo Bay. The government particularly concerned Red Robin will realize they plagiarized their handbook.

A NYPD officer has been accused of plotting to cook his girlfriend. Yes, but did she threaten him?

Regarding his comments about pregnancies resulting from rape, Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock said, "It's wrong when someone wants to take what I said and twist it." That's Richard Mourdock: Not afraid to call someone out for politicizing comments a politician made about rape victims during a political debate.

In response to Mourdock's comments, Obama said  “rape is rape” while appearing on "The Tonight Show." Like Jay Leno needed another reminder of what he did to Conan O'Brien.

Following months of steady GDP growth, Britain's recession is officially over. Said the government, "Thank you, backs of young people wanting to go to college."