Clamato Vampire, Teenage Witch, Juggalo, Twilight fan or just plain Goth; good old teenage angst has led to allot of hysterical internet posts.
Being Lead to the Nearest Hot Topic.
Perhaps the most famous goths on the internet, this pair instantly became a viral meme after posting their totally HxC, badass, brutal, brolic & legitimately HAUNTING photo on the web for the world to see. At first, many believed it was a joke. However, fellow Juggalo's and goth's were to 'in the know' to let these two off the hook that easily. I get the artistic message they're going for though. Sort of an 'I am not lead by society's norms, just by my much shorter but equally obese friend and his eight layers of eyeliner.'
This one goes to "xDeathBat79x" for the impressive insight quoted below. I mean, who would have ever thought you'd end up on Funny Or Die, instead of some foreign family's mantel?!:
"Yeah it doesn't bug me when people or tourists ask for photos of me. I figure a pick (I think he means picture) with an authentic punk/goth makes a lot of people's trip seem a bit more authentic"
Juggalos Having Juggalos...tisktisktisk.
It is adorable how you put a crudely drawn "Jack the Pumpkin King" on your third trimester baby bump. It is even cooler how your natural maternal glow was painted over to look like John Wayne Gacy. However, my favorite thing about this picture is by far the eloquent juxtaposition of a weed leaf with your unborn child. This should be the first page of their baby book. That way there is no confusion when he grows up to be the pothead/alcholic, wifebeater on welfare, that you've obviously always dreamed he'd be. Either way, congrats Mom, you look beautiful!
*drum roll please* and the goth blog quote for this one goes to "BlackRoseThorn666" with the eloquent wisdom that "thuh wiggles man...GOTH as F*CK!1!1!!!!"
I'd Prefer the Zombie Apocalypse Any day....
It is just another peaceful night at home with your loved ones. Popcorn is popping. A fire is crackling. The kids lay on their bellies in front of the television while you prop your feet up and release a sigh of utter contentment. Suddenly the doorbell rings.
"Honey, were you expecting any company tonight?" She walks out of the kitchen with a puzzled face. "No, not this late. I was just about to put the kids to bed." You slowly approach the door. "Who is it??"
"Just some ICP fans here to share our message of love and acceptance, GET DRUNK AND F*CK SHIT THE F*CK UP BRO!!!"
I've pitched this scenario to countless movie executives. It is doubtlessly the ultimate horror scene. I mean come on, imagine THIS at your door step?! uhm, yea, it makes Micheal Myers looks like a Furby....
I am straying from the goth blogs on this one to give you some straight forward information from the Juggalo wikipedia page. This way, you can spot them while you still have a chance to escape.
"Common characteristics of the Juggalo subculture include drinking the inexpensive soft drink Faygo, listening to horror-themed rap music, and wearing face paint. "
We've all heard the saying "Don't drink the Koolaid", but why the hell hasn't anyone warned us about this "Faygo" stuff yet?!
Showing Your Inner Torment Through Corporate Branding.
I hate to make fun of cutting, but I love to make fun of everything so...yea. Listening to My Chemical Romance while carving a Mac computer symbol into your arm may not be the best idea. Using said Mac product to then post a picture bragging about doing so on a social networking site may be an extremely IRONIC idea, but it also indicates that you need to stabilize your meds.
All I can say is that I really, REALLY hope you are getting paid for this. The ever-increasing negative effects of capitalism have been depressing everyone lately, but carving a logo into your arm is not going to save "The 99%". It WILL, however, get you on Funny or Die.
“There is no such thing as ‘soft sell’ and ‘hard sell.’ There is only ‘smart sell’ and ‘stupid sell.’”
Charles Browder (1958)
Are Those Eyebrows or Parabolas Made by a Pink Highlighter?!?
Either way, I like them. Topping it off with a pink bow? Even better. Theres not much to say about this unflattering self pic that it hasn't said on it's own.
I'll just ask you all to take a second to imagine running esctatically downnstairs on Christmas morning, only to find this one gift. There she is, sitting Indian Style reading Sylvia Plath to your dog, all wrapped up in black stripped paper with that charming little pink ribbon leading to a matching bow on top. Merry Christmas Kids! This year you're getting misery personified!!
The goth blog quote winner for this one?? XxBetterthanBellaxX:
"I don't have a black jacket. What the hell kind of goth am I?"
"I'd like to Introduce you to your Blind Date, the Beautiful Skeletora..."
I relate to this girl. It takes me forever to get ready for a date too. Granted this was probably on Halloween due to the person wearing Kitty ears in the background but one can't be to quick to assume anything. After all, as the good book of The Goth God's (Twilight) reads....
"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."
If Bella had made the obvious assumption that Edward would kill her (since he is a FRIGGEN vampire); perhaps she would have ditched his ass for the Football team captain before New Moon could have ever been created!! But then what would all the pubescent girl's who are just to dark and broading for Justin Bieber do?! I guess they'd have to start wanking to Skrillex or something...
As the "Facebook" Philosophers' Say; "IDK, IDGI, LOL LOL"
As a Hello Kitty fanatic, I can't help but kinda like this guy. Granted, beneath the racoon eye make-up is a horrifically empty stare devoid of all humanity; leading me to believe that he was possessed by a 24 year old girl demon who shops at Forever 21. Still, even if my beloved Hello Kitty was placed there in some satanic ritual without him actually knowing, it's friggen adorable. I'll leave this one to an ancient yet sadly anynomous quote that an unidentified brother of the night decided to use as a header to his blog:
."Boy, there's a demon for everything!".
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