Action Figure Fails

Just like the barrel chested, machine gun blasting, roided out Luke Skywalker I remember.  I love the scene where Obi Wan approaches him in the gym while he's bench pressing old droid parts and choking down space-protein drinks.  Those male-ballerina pants are a nice touch, they make the action figure more nimble.

He's big, dangerous, skilled, and wildly out of proportion.  I have never seen this toy in person, but I'm sure the only way to make it stand up on its own is to nail its feet to the table and superglue its leg joints, in order to prevent gravity from pulling down his massive pumpkin head.  He kind of looks like a dwarf who finally got new, state of the art prosthetic legs to bring him up to normal height.  Another thing I want to add is that I have noticed that a lot of these older action figures had hip joints that gave the torso part of the pants a sort of diaper look.  That was very confusing as a seven year old.  

Hey look!  A beige tinted toy of Shrek wearing a wig with a free picture of John Travolta™ on the cover!

This is interesting.  This is supposed to be Wayne Knight's character, Dennis Nedry, from Jurassic Park.  You know, Newman from Seinfeld.  I kid you not.  I'm not sure where to begin.  First, he's in good shape.  Was it politically incorrect to add fat to an action figure in the 90's? The hair is too light, I never saw him wear those sunglasses, that shirt, those gloves, or even having a gun.  I like how they always try to make action figures look cool, even if they're the token dweeby guy.  "Glasses, curly hair, overweight, Hawaiian shirts?  Okay, just do everything drastically different from all of that.  No one will notice."

Here come the... wait, who are these guys?  For Will Smith's character, I give this designer a C-.  He still somewhat resembles the character, but that's only because he can hide his features behind those sunglasses.  For the Tommy Lee Jones design?  F.  He looks like Beavis as an old man with slicked back hair.  The strange purple tint around his mouth doesn't help.  I don't know who thought it would.

BOO!  Scared you Ethan Hunt!  This one even comes with a plastic syringe so he can inject human growth hormone before missions.  The little red suspenders were a nice touch.  Why didn't they have those in the movie?!  They make him look boyishly cheerful.  In the movie, there was a deleted scene where Hunt gets his head caught in a vice which squishes it, and they tried to capture the morphed head shape in this figurine.  However, the scene never made the screen, so the look didn't connect with toy buyers.