Musicians like Lady Gaga and Amy Winehouse can usually get away with looking like a bag of mashed up assholes thrown into a bathtub of rotten sausages, but others only fail when they attempt to kickstart a new fashion.
Published July 09, 2011 5.8k views More Info »
165 Funny Votes
33 Die Votes
Published July 09, 2011
9f90ab52a0809d46552f95348e28a5de original

Bad Hair, just like Syphillis, can be found everywhere. Look at that shitweasel in the above picture. Would you want your hypothetical daughter or sensitive Gay son taking up with him in a trailer? Of course not. Because Rat's tails belong on Rat's asses. Although usually considered trailblazers in the fashion field, musicians have been known to set a foot wrong in the hairstyle stakes. Musicians like Lady Gaga and Amy Winehouse can usually get away with looking like a bag of mashed up assholes thrown into a bathtub of rotten sausages, but others only fail when they attempt to kickstart a new fashion. Ignoring the entire Nu-Metal era, where everybody and their Grandma had dreadlocks, there have been some glaring examples in musical history of what one's hair would look like if it was styled by a blind Uzbekistanian child with hooks for hands and an extra chromosome. This is but a small selection of these examples. Follow Sean on TWITTER.

Billy Ray 'Miley came out of my wang' Cyrus

Decd08c9acad4545c4d4fcab1d00142b original

A classic this, the four-fisted, WWE, 10/90 mullet became synonomous with Billy Ray Cyrus. As did shitty country music and beaver toothed pop sproglets. Oh, and let's not forget that chode load of a show he did, 'Doc', which was the personification of SuperAIDS.

Boy George

84bd9f5a23a78f7534d72015b8a4ad45 original

 You may just brush this off with a flippant "Well, it WAS the Eighties." No. Stop it. This technicolour dreamcoat of braided hair was never cool. Ever. No wonder he had to abduct young men, chain them up in his basement and whip them. Probably with his cat-o-nine tails hair, Willow Smith style.

Christina Aguilera

Eb08c6ad63897ae0a66762e8d8492f6e original

 Going for that classic 'Daddy didn't love me, so I became a cum-guzzling slutmuffin' look, Christina rocks out with Dee Snider's Twisted Sister era hairstyle. Still, I'd totally do her. S.T.D's be damned.


Fcf97a87ae9f6384c67c01866ad38992 original

Those faces are just made for slapping. Look at their heads. Just look at them. Hair coiffed so as to resemble the helmet of a wang, the boys complete their 'I am literally a cock' look. Cocks.


B65fa9cbfc8562b7be6e2a8435e6be07 original

 "How can I make a mullet, the most reviled hairstyle known to man, even wankier?" Uh, how about making it look like it's a top deck block of chocolate? Genius! Also, check out that rape face. This man means business. Raping business. And business is good.

Phil Spector

Ec2b93f78fd34418306c6de22a0d7b1a original

 Yeah, he's batshit crazy. Sure, he shot some anonymous blonde model. But the man makes beautiful music! He produced the Beatles, for fucks sake. Okay, it was their worst album and they later removed all songs tainted by his 'Wall of sound' technique and remastered them, but whatever. He also provides a habitat for homeless sparrows in his pube-hat... Can he be all that bad?

Tokio Hotel

4dd0a5047f7f720e212d355c092e06ba original

My god, what is it? Male? Female? Goth? Emo? I have no idea, yet I'm inexplicably moist in my pants.

Nicky Minaj

4c3dd28b89336dfc0315205f5f45c529 original

 As if the faux pas of her MC Hammer jumpsuit wasn't enough, she had to go and get a  big ass blob of cotton candy strapped to her noggin. Ravenous children of the world rejoiced, and then, in a scene reminiscent of Hitchcock's 'The Birds', attacked her like the sugar junkies that they are.

Max Cavalera

98556cc509542624463055920f7e2d47 original

Okay, the man is metal royalty. But his hair is just royally fucked up. His natty dreads have been growing in size for years, to the point where that hobbit dick sticking out from the back of his head now has a circumference that would put John Holmes to shame, God rest his asstapping soul.

Alicia Keyes

C7f582c1b500af6c18f2aee9ffc44caa original

Sometimes, mixing two disparate things creates something that is brilliant. Think Horror and Comedy, best exemplified in the Evil dead series. Othertimes though, it only serves to create a clusterfuck of biblical proportions. Alicia Keyes' hair falls into this latter category. Braids and an afro? That's the hair equivalent of 'Son of the mask.'

Art Garfunkel

Ff745938c7dff8688c599bef89058d2e original

For seemingly an eternity, Garfunkel has been rocking this pedoriffic ginger, balding afro thing. Don't stare at it too long... Remember that scene in 'Raiders of the lost ark' where the Nazis looked into the Ark of the covenant and their faces were raped clean off? That WILL happen to you.

Cedric Bixler

084bf1bef6b7ccca3711d1cf7ebc4cb0 original

Yeah, The Mars Volta frontman has been known to ingest copious quantities of LSD. That still doesn't explain this weird Russel Brand's head being humped by a Black Sheep affair. On the plus side, Amelia Earharts remains were finally located in that permy muffinload of dogwank.

Duran Duran

E528102fd04656ccb18c6882999e268a original

 Are you perchance hungry like the wolf? Ever dreamt of being sodomised by a blonde guy who looks like the KobraKai guy from 'The Karate Kid'? Then Duran Duran is the band for you! Such body, such shine, such mullety goodness...

Latoya "I'm totally psychic and killed the dinosuars" Jackson

9cf38db69cb43daa4541660144156400 original

Why can't her head ACTUALLY be on fire? SIGH. just more proof that there really isn't a god.


7ec8c6229118e8a5296753b0966b56d1 original

Remember Lego men and their little hair helmets? Paint Fantasia yellow and they''d be indistinguishable from each other.

Flock of Seagulls

Ed85249b9e04e934dccfc25e398b4d1c original

No list of bad hair can neglect the legacy this lame band left behind them. But I'm going to. So there.

George Clinton

A07e2f49e61d3f51824edfe9a7af4e64 original

The man really is an extraterrestial. This visual eyeraping of a hairstyle is only exacerbated by the random Obi Wan kenobi braids that litter his hair like blood in an old mans stool. Being related to Bill Clinton is his only saving grace... I wonder why Bill never played sax on one of his albums?

John Lydon

Ed250c46fc68de5339a1f877a65a3f78 original

The Sex Pistols were the epitome of punk. This hairstyle is the epitome of bollocks. John may say never mind them, but mind the bollocks we must. Those peroxide drenched erect phalluses perched upon his head insist that we do.

Keith 'Keef' Flint

F8eec9fb92734a105b9349d7a8146b1d original

Known for his outrageous reverse mohawky thing he used to parade about, Keith looks like a lecherous dance teacher you've just caught peering into your window, knuckles shuffling vigorously.


610d370c0fe0737fc73e3c131721904b original

Yeah, he's totally alternative and hip and indie. So much so that he wears dead sloths on his head. Coolio. I'd make a joke about an animal skullfucking him, but I already shot that load with Cedric. So I'll just point out his Ukulele for no reason whatsoever.

Milli be thy Vanilli

F577f8248f5cd34e0192b8a25cf415bd original

M.V, known as Milli Vanilli or Moist Vaginas, are already living punchlines, so it wouldn't be fair of me to mock them for their shitty Balinese plaits. But I just did. So fuck them. They want someone to blame for their spectacular downfall? Blame it on the rain.