or
As it says above, my top ten favourite tweets by... myself. Yes, I am vain.
Published February 05, 2012 970 views More Info ยป
27 Funny Votes
8 Die Votes
974 Views
Published February 05, 2012

Help! The power on this escalator has gone - what will I do?

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Major disappointment last night. Went to my first cockfight. I was expecting an extreme kind of "thumb war".

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****CULINARY ADVICE**** If on pub lunch menu the steak costs less than your pint on a lunchtime "deal". Don't go in.

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I wish I could have an argument with a girl in heels. Then they could storm off in a huff, looking and sounding hilarious.

F1d69d059f1b6e268092b9c1d36582cc original

No more enunciating like a fucking madman to a call centre down south. #evenmorebenefits #scottishindependence #snp

F1d69d059f1b6e268092b9c1d36582cc original

This movie on Netflix is awesome. Something about drilling - made me want to become a driller. Arma-something.

F1d69d059f1b6e268092b9c1d36582cc original

F*cking traffic!!!! You would think with a name like M8, it would be a little friendlier. #M8 #TrafficJoke #Vanity

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The Penguin #ReplaceBandNamesWithPenguin

F1d69d059f1b6e268092b9c1d36582cc original

If Rooney spent that much on his hair transplant, you would think he would have a decent do and not look like he's Steptoe. #united #arsenal

F1d69d059f1b6e268092b9c1d36582cc original

Definition of bittersweet. Waking up and realise you've had a 1 night stand, then through to bathroom and find a ginger pube in your teeth.

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