As it says above, my top ten favourite tweets by... myself. Yes, I am vain.

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February 05, 2012

Help! The power on this escalator has gone - what will I do?

Major disappointment last night. Went to my first cockfight. I was expecting an extreme kind of "thumb war".

****CULINARY ADVICE**** If on pub lunch menu the steak costs less than your pint on a lunchtime "deal". Don't go in.

I wish I could have an argument with a girl in heels. Then they could storm off in a huff, looking and sounding hilarious.

No more enunciating like a fucking madman to a call centre down south. #evenmorebenefits #scottishindependence #snp

This movie on Netflix is awesome. Something about drilling - made me want to become a driller. Arma-something.

F*cking traffic!!!! You would think with a name like M8, it would be a little friendlier. #M8 #TrafficJoke #Vanity

The Penguin #ReplaceBandNamesWithPenguin

If Rooney spent that much on his hair transplant, you would think he would have a decent do and not look like he's Steptoe. #united #arsenal

Definition of bittersweet. Waking up and realise you've had a 1 night stand, then through to bathroom and find a ginger pube in your teeth.