Oftentimes people wonder what bunnies and candy have to do with Easter, so this year I decided to spread the tale of the Peepvolutionary War, a bloody but necessary ordeal in the history of candy. Hope you all enjoy! View the... more »
Oftentimes people wonder what bunnies and candy have to do with Easter, so this year I decided to spread the tale of the Peepvolutionary War, a bloody but necessary ordeal in the history of candy. Hope you all enjoy!
View the whole story on one page at http://www.intotheblack.com/2012/04/easter-wars-peepvolution.html « less
The Peeps had had enough. After years of malevolent treatment by their bunny overlords, the time had come… for war.
Armed with spears and homemade weapons, the Peeps bravely took the field of battle, willing to give their lives for freedom.
As the Peeps lined up for battle, the bunnies huddled behind their barricades, guns raised and ready to take fire.
Cannoneer Bunnson hurled mockery and insults at his foes, confident in the superior firepower of the bunnies.
As his lieutenants guarded their precious eggs, Admiral Peepton took to the hill to rally the troops. “The time has come, my friends!” He shouted. “No more will we be treated as second class citizens! No more will we live in fear of these hairless hares! On this Easter Sunday, we declare ourselves an independent people! Charge!”
The initial charge was bloody and fierce. Most of the frontline was wiped out by the jellybean cannon, but two Peeps managed to break through, skewering one bunny and causing another to turn tail and run.
An explosion erupted amidst the Peeps’ forces as an egg mine opened up, loosing rabid mutant mini bunnies on the unsuspecting Peeps.
Their prospects grim, the smuggler Davos Peepworth managed to escape the field of battle, taking several eggs with him to safety.
Things were looking worse and worse for the Peeps. Could anything stop the bunnies’ assault?
The Peeps’ prayers were answered as a small special ops team known as the Magnificent Four scaled a cliff behind enemy lines, skewering a confused guard and sending a signal back to high command.
“They’re in place!” Yelled Admiral Peepton. “Ready the Cadbury Catapult!”
The delicious creme eggs hurtled through the air and destroyed the bunnies’ tank force with a loud splat. Before he even knew what was happening, Cannoneer Bunnson had been impaled on the spear of a brave member of the Magnificent Four.
Meanwhile, the remaining three members of the Magnificent Four had cornered Dr. Ears, who cruelly displayed the severed heads of the Peeps who had been held as hostages.
The members of the Magnificent Four gave no quarry to Dr. Ears, defoiling him and giving him a taste of his own medicine.
Back on the battlefield, Bunny Kong was running rampant, stampeding over Peeps and devouring them whole. The remaining chicks circled around him, waiting for their moment.
They would not have to wait long, as they leapt in the air with deadly precision and brought Bunny Kong to the ground.
Their forces decimated, the remaining bunnies had no choice but to surrender. Admiral Peepton gladly accepted, and a treaty was drawn up that gave the Peeps the independence they had so richly earned and deserved.
And that, my friends, is why we eat candy on Easter.