The centuries old battle between gay-ass Unicorns and stumpy-legged Miniature Horses has torn apart generations of geeks and man-children. In May 2011, the world's top Unicorn experts "Unicornians" joined... more »

Full Credits

Stats & Data

October 24, 2011

Round 1 - Magic

Unicorn - Their horns were said to possess magic so powerful that one dip in poisoned water could make it drinkable to heal thousands of sick villagers. Miniature Horse - No magic to speak of unless you consider their comparatively small turds a gift from the Gods. Round 1 - The Unicorn

Round 2 - Cuteness

Unicorn - The unicorn's soft coat is undoubtedly a treasure from little baby Jesus himself. It's mystical long eyelashes are thought to have been born from the eyelids of one-thousand adorable kittens. It's beauty and cuteness rolled up into one fine, fine stead. Miniature Horse -  Is it a pony? Or is it a fucking horse? Known as "nature's practical joke", this freaky little thing is so pathetic that it actually melts your heart. You don't know if you want to punch it in it's stumpy little face or give it a big bear hug. He's a combination of the kid from "Mask" with that special guy from "Life Goes On".  This time pity pays off. Score a point for the animal kingdom's "Jerry's Kid". Round 2 - Miniature Horse

Final Round - Pussy Appeal

Unicorn - According to hieroglyphics found in ancient Inca caves, the Unicorn's magic and mystique can only be summoned by a female virgin.  Whoa.  This mudda fucka is surrounded by virgins 24/7.  They summon him. It's no wonder why these pointy-headed monsters are so hard to find - they gettin' boinked by a harem of horny temptresses around da clock. Respect Yo. Miniature Horse - They have the sex appeal of a forty-year old man still living with his parents who are still living with their parents all living in the basement of their creepy uncle Steve's house. Final Verdict - The Unicorn big ballin' 2-1!