Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
Must... obey... corporate... advertisements... can't... fight it... any... longer...
Published February 22, 2012 4.1k views More Info »
41 Funny Votes
13 Die Votes
4,092 Views
Published February 22, 2012

Coke Boy

0548bb5802a4170e5edcb24cfc182962 original

Who's that whispering to me in the dark? Why, it's coming from the kitchen, but... I live alone. Not to worry, it's just Coke Boy™. Many years ago, Coke Boy™ shook a bottle of Coke™ so hard that the cap burst off and logged into his head, instantly ceasing his existence. Now the ghost of Coke Boy™ creeps through the night, and whispers for thirsty citizens through the ether to come hither and quench themsleves with his sweet carbonated nector. Only until Coca Cola™ reaches sales projections can he pass onto the afterlife.

Chubbies!

85c188c3b68c05f1f971771a5d587631 original

"All the boys and girls at school poke fun of my weight, and it makes me sad," said Suzy. "Why, you're not over weight, Suzy," said her father. "you're just a Chubby™, nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure when you grow up, a nice, tax paying man will take your hand in marriage, so you better study hard while you still can."

Pink-a-boo!

16df0559a7c8c535391e8bf302f1d3bb original

The "Pink-a-boo" - a vintage look at what we know today as "The Shocker". Notice how The Shocker looked a little different back then? The third prong was designed to untangle the woman's pubic hairs while the two fingered prong occupied the vagina and the remaining prong occupied the anus. The pubic prong was retracted once females grooming habits became more advanced.

The clutches of handsome.

1771edd25f54a43e70b5ea88961d64d9 original

"Hey dad, are you okay?" "Just swell, but I'll admit it is a little hard to breath in my Chevalier Heft Retainer™." "I'll say. You've been wheezing all day, and your lips are blue." "But don't I LOOK GREAT?" "You sure do. I want one too!" "Hold your horses Timmy, the Chevalier Heft Retainer™ is for men in their 30's, 40's, and 50's only."

Coke Boy returns...

Baf01f4bb18382bd8d83f80039e59272 original

He's BACK. By drinking his syrupy bubbles, you have made him bigger and stronger than ever, but he must continue to haunt us with his high fructose corn syrup induced ghost moans until he can fulfill his marketing destiny and pass on into the afterlife.

Schlitz

D880a8f2b7c5aec06e46a508df829835 original

"But if you did I would ground you for a month while I engage in long, tongue-less kisses in a musky hotel with my secretary."

Breakfast Paste

67892f28b59a8c67541b8f498bf0040f original

Jenny sure loves her Breakfast Paste™. Mom has to keep it locked away in a safety deposit box downtown just to keep little Jenny from getting her paws on it between meals.

Cook, clean, squeeze margarine.

22ff1a2488f4b249abea61c99efb7afa original

cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine. cook, clean, squeeze margarine

Bean Demon

97dcdd06e492e136c2cf0b26bd816759 original

Looks like little Johnny is possessed with the satanic flatulent gases of Van Camp's Devil Beans™.

Chase & Sanborn Coffee

D71a96d2279cfc0815bb3dde3db76275 original

"I PAY MY TAXES, I HOSE MY GRASS, I READ THE OLD TESTAMENT, I SCRAPE THE GUTTERS, AND WHAT DO I COME HOME TO? DOG GONE MEXICAN COFFEE!... WHAT'R YOU SMILIN' ABOUT?"

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More