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A lost (Because it was never conducted) interview between Boston Braves shortstop, Walter James "Rabbit" Maranville, and New York Tribune sportswriter, Heywood Broun.
Published July 14, 2011 95 views More Info »
5 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
95 Views
Published July 14, 2011
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(clearing his throat) "Er-um-huh..."

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"First of all..."

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"...I just want to thank you for coming to this fake interview that never happened."

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"I will not take much of your time..."

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"...lord knows, you are busy."

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"So, just ten questions and you can skoot. Number one..."

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"...How much do you like playing shortstop, Rabbit?"

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"...."

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"A lot."

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"Uh huh, I see. And number two..."

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"...Have you ever wanted to play first base?"

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"No."

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"Second base?"

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"No."

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"Third base?"

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"Not that I can recall."

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"Catcher?"

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"No."

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"Wow-wee! Now, that's what I call a homerun for shortstop lovers!"

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"How about pitcher?"

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"Nope."

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"Left field?"

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"No."

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"Center field?"

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"No."

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"Right field?"

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"Never."

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"Well, I'll be dammed. You really do love your position!"

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"Now, this last question is a two-parter."

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"a.) How many baseball cards do you have of yourself?"

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"None."

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"Okay. And b.)...."

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"...If a cannibalistic race of robot aliens took over the world and methodically hunted down and assasinated every shortstop..."

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"...would you put on a batting helmet and pretend you are a designated hitter..."

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"...or would you make a stand and perhaps start an underground rebel shortstop army?"

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"If so, give Dave Bancroft, Hughie Jennings, and Tommy Thevenow a call."

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"I've gotta a hunch they'd be interested."

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"Uh..."

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"...I don't know."

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"Gotcha, kid. It's a lot to take in."

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"Believe me, I know."

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"But, will you give Dave Bancroft, Hughie Jennings, and Tommy Thevenow a call anyway, just in case?"

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"Maybe Joe Tinker and Bobby Wallace, too?"

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"...."

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"Maybe."

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"Maybe to Joe Tinker and Bobby Wallace?"

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"No..."

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"...yes...

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"...I don't know. Maybe to the whole thing."

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"Ah, yes, I see. Well, that's good enough for me, Rabbit."

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"That's good enough for me."

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