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A lost (Because it was never conducted) interview between Boston Braves shortstop, Walter James "Rabbit" Maranville, and New York Tribune sportswriter, Heywood Broun.
Published July 14, 2011 110 views More Info ยป
5 Funny Votes
2 Die Votes
107 Views
Published July 14, 2011

(clearing his throat) "Er-um-huh..."

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"First of all..."

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"...I just want to thank you for coming to this fake interview that never happened."

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"I will not take much of your time..."

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"...lord knows, you are busy."

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"So, just ten questions and you can skoot. Number one..."

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"...How much do you like playing shortstop, Rabbit?"

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"...."

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"A lot."

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"Uh huh, I see. And number two..."

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"...Have you ever wanted to play first base?"

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"No."

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"Second base?"

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"No."

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"Third base?"

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"Not that I can recall."

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"Catcher?"

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"No."

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"Wow-wee! Now, that's what I call a homerun for shortstop lovers!"

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"How about pitcher?"

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"Nope."

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"Left field?"

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"No."

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"Center field?"

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"No."

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"Right field?"

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"Never."

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"Well, I'll be dammed. You really do love your position!"

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"Now, this last question is a two-parter."

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"a.) How many baseball cards do you have of yourself?"

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"None."

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"Okay. And b.)...."

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"...If a cannibalistic race of robot aliens took over the world and methodically hunted down and assasinated every shortstop..."

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"...would you put on a batting helmet and pretend you are a designated hitter..."

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"...or would you make a stand and perhaps start an underground rebel shortstop army?"

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"If so, give Dave Bancroft, Hughie Jennings, and Tommy Thevenow a call."

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"I've gotta a hunch they'd be interested."

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"Uh..."

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"...I don't know."

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"Gotcha, kid. It's a lot to take in."

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"Believe me, I know."

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"But, will you give Dave Bancroft, Hughie Jennings, and Tommy Thevenow a call anyway, just in case?"

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"Maybe Joe Tinker and Bobby Wallace, too?"

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"...."

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"Maybe."

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"Maybe to Joe Tinker and Bobby Wallace?"

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"No..."

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"...yes...

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"...I don't know. Maybe to the whole thing."

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"Ah, yes, I see. Well, that's good enough for me, Rabbit."

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"That's good enough for me."

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