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Location: Probably A Tavern Called Stumps To fully take in this conversation, we must know a couple of things: 1.) That John James Audubon was the renowned early 19th century ornithological artist whose prints in Birds of... more »
Published October 22, 2011 120 views More Info »
0 Funny Votes
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120 Views
Published October 22, 2011

"Mr. Audubon, you certainly seem to know a lot about birds, don't you?"

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"I'm sorry. Have I offended you, Mr. Cooper. Your tone is-"

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"Not at all, Mr. Audubon. Not at all. Now, if I presented you with some of your prints, I assume you would be able to tell me the name of the bird. Am I correct in this assumption?"

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"I suppose-"

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"How about this one?"

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"Campephilus Principalis or, what you would commonly call, the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker."

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"Correct. And this one?"

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"Falco Rusticolus or, what you would commonly call, the Gyrfalcon. This is the largest falcon species ever recorded."

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"Correct again. And, Mr. Audubon, do birds urinate?"

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"I beg your pardon?"

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"I'm sorry, Mr. Audubon. What you would commonly call 'pee'?"

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"Yes, I know what urinate means. But, why-"

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"Just answer the question, please."

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"Of course they do."

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"But, have you ever seen a bird pee?"

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"No, I have not."

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"In all of your time birdwatching?"

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"I suppose they keep certain acts private."

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"Do they? And yet, they will shit on our shoulders in plain view. Explain that to me, Mr. Audubon."

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"I don't think I can."

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"Exactly. I don't think you can, either. Boom! Oh, barkeep! What's the damage?"

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