I Am So Conservative

Hi, we are Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney & Newt Gingrich - three truly conservative dudes for America. No really. Shit, we're so conservative, we make Ronald Reagan look like a gay hipster commie.

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I am so conservative, I heat my house with Korans
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I am so conservative, I unhybridized my wife's Prius
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I am so conservative, some of my best friends own churches
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I am so conservative, shit, I don't let my wife even vote for myself
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I am so conservative, I will deport Native Americans to where the hell they came from
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I am so conservative, I’m still browsing with Netscape 1.0
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I am so conservative, I believe that the metric system is the antichrist
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I am so conservative, I don't let black people use my bathroom
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I am so conservative, I believe Henry Ford should have stopped after Model T
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I am so conservative, Jeremy Lin might as well be black
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I am so conservative, I will bring back black and white television
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