“Meryl Streep. Or else.”
“This better happen. Yes. I think if we fast-track production, we could meet a Christmas release, just in time for the Academy Awards to take notice.”
“This year? Are you sure you wouldn’t want to wait a little while, maybe until your term is over, so you have a little bit more to draw on?”
“Yes, I am sure, thank you. Right now is a difficult time in America for women, what with the war on birth control and Snooki being pregnant. A Hillary biopic starring Meryl would put all of our worries to rest, would make a ton of money that we could use for good, and would bring a tear to everyone’s eyes. Everyone would be so united by their love of the film they would forget all their troubles. She would win a statuette. I would be invited to the Oscars, and I would love that.”
“Right...so, why Meryl?”
“She, too, feels the plight of the strong, powerful, independent woman, having won only a slight fraction of the Academy Awards she was actually nominated for. It’s very humbling to lose and then do something much better. Like me, she is very strong and independent despite having a husband."
"Why do you think you deserve a biopic?"
"Let's not forget years before Meryl was discovered in “Mamma Mia!” I was making strides for women across the country as the First Lady, and now, as the Secretary of State, I am an inspiration to young girls everywhere. 50, 30, even 20 years ago, many believed that when you grow up you have to be somebody’s loving wife, or a secretary, but that is simply not true anymore. I am living proof you can instead grow up to be a Secretary. Capitalized. ”
“Right. What if Meryl couldn’t do it?”
“Oh, she will. The taxpayers can be sure of that.”
“But what if she wasn’t available, and a younger actress like Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox was offered the part? Would that be okay?”
“No. No. It would most certainly NOT be okay. This is real, it is not some stupid popcorn flick, this is going to be an OSCAR WINNER. MY LIFE STORY IS GOING TO STAR MERYL STREEP, AND IT IS GOING TO WIN SOMETHING.”
“Okay, okay. Please put down that gun.”