What You Were Doing If You Didn't See 'The Master'

Literally (well, not literally literally, but you know what I mean) every person I know who lives in Los Angeles saw Paul Thomas Anderson's 'The Master' this past weekend. If you didn't, you MUST have been doing one of these things:
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Sitting, pondering why oh whyyy didn't you Fandango those tickets.


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Reading reviews of 'The Master' thinking "Damn, I wish I could enjoy this boat trip but I should be at 'The Master' right now."


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Creepily taking pictures of all your friends walking into screenings of 'The Master' then waiting outside the theater to hear their thoughts.


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In a sun fatigued haze, pretending you're P.T. Anderson, ripping off your shirt, and recreating the trailer of 'The Master' with coconuts.


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Catching hell from your old lady for not pre-ordering those 'The Master' tickets.  As a punishment she makes you wear her bra on your head in public.


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You had tickets for 'The Master' but you decided to stay up all night and do a PT. Anderson movie marathon in chronological order before the showing.  Mid-way through 'Punch Drunk Love' you got too excited about seeing 'The Master' and ran through your apartment complex nude resulting in your arrest and you missed the screening.


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Damn dude, you watched the wrong movie.

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