http://www.funnyordie.com/blog/posts/13009
Divine Intervention: The belief that God or some other Higher Power acted in a way to prevent some tragedy.
Friendship: A mutually beneficial and supportive relationship between two individuals.
Responsibility: The duty of an individual to accomplish that which is right and justly assigned to them.
Justice: When an act of Evil, or an act of Stupidity, has been properly punished.
Jealousy: The feeling of anger/envy towards another who has something that you do not.
Shame: The feeling one gets when a secret they keep is made public knowledge.... (Yes, I just shaved myhead last tuesday.....)
- Kenny G.
(Yes, that is a dart reference... as in, the Triple 19 segment of the board, my favorite part to aim at... and yes... naming the blog after it's post number is a direct rip-off of MPG79's newest post... but she made me have flashbacks of my days as a Craps dealer... so she owes me.. :-) ...)
Today's post is a simple one... a "Triple Shot" of things that have occured in my vicinity this week:
1: I, after nearly a month and a half of battling mechanics and funding shortages... May just very well have my Tucking Fruck back!!! Today even!!! And it will even have reverse again!!!!
Please join me in a bit of "Happy Dance Frivolity"... * Wiggle.... wiggle dance... dance dance twitch SPRAIN!!!*..... Ow.....I really shouldn't dance... it never ends well...
2: I'm apply for "The Best Job In The World"... at http://www.islandreefjob.com/en/ ...
I know, who wouldn't apply for such an awesome job, right?
Well, I know I'm currently, right now, completely unattached to the life I'm leading now, and could easily pack up and depart from it for 6 months, with no reservations. And, since I love blogging/making videos, I'd have no problem with the requirements of the job... Plus, I've been to Australia, actually snorkeled in the Great Barrier Reef, so, I'd like to think that gives me some bonus points... right....???
Needless to say, as soon as I get my video application made, and submitted, I'd love it if any of you wouldn't mind going to the site and favoriting the crap out of me, to help me get support to win this once-in-a-liftime chance...
Oh yeah, if anyone else wants to apply, I'll show the same love back, just drop me a note....
3: Darts starts next week.... Without me....
I know, I know... I'm the Captain... How can I not be playing??
Money... Cash... Greenbacks.... Loot.... Funding.... Pick the term you like best...
But, I do know the team is in good hands. It's most of my team from last season (Minus me and "Postal" Dave...), along with my dear friends Steve and Laura, who host Karaoke at Bucks every Saturday, are the major reason I have been able to get to work while truckless, oh yeah, and who captained the other Bucks dart team last season....
...... And every chance I get, if I have some spare dough, I'll still be there, rooting my team on....
..................................... And if they get to Playoffs.... Which I have been unable to do in 5 seasons as captain.... I'm kicking some arse......
So... in closing... That's that....
........ And that's a funny picture. :-)
- Kenny G.
I've just been the blessed recipient of 2 hours of cinematic, orgasmic, ecstasy....
24 IS BACK BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And all I can say is:.... : Uh, AHH... Oh God... Oh Yesssssssssssssss!!!!!!"
........ You'd have to be a 24 fan to truly get it...
I found 24, by accident... when I was in need of something to truly obsess over. I was single (as I am now)... Less employed than I like to be (as I am now...), and just generally lonely (as.. well, you get the picture...)
I happened to catch season 4 on an A&E rerun deal... and caught the prior three seasons on A&E right before season 5 aired... which I watched with glee.... And then season 6 came out... and I caught the first 9 episodes... and then... well... let's just say... my "piece" overrode my common sense... and by the time I came to, it was too late in the season to catch back up....
But... Screw it... Season 7 is here... and it's game on....!!!!!
Jack Bauer is to me what the Yankees are to New York Die Hards.... What Shakespeare is to Theater Fiends.... What sunlight is to plants...
I actively read jackbauerisgod.com... even though there hasn't been a new "Jack Bauer Joke" in 2 years....
Now, as you all know... or may not remember... That big Writer's Strike... It threw many of our favorite shows off key... But, 24 was supposed to begin it's 7th season in the middle of the strike... it just aired today...
In other words... I've been feigning over a year and a half....
And now... I just got a big... fat... 2 straight hour hit....
I'm gonna go drool and twitch, blissfully... in the corner.....
.... Until the other two hours that will air tomorrow......
24 Yay!!!
- Kenny G.
As my mind is a scattered mess right now... it is physically impossible for me to write one, single, coherent Blog post...
So.. instead... I'll just list a few of the random items that have passed through my head in the past few days, masquerading as conscious thought...
- My life: The poorly timed fart joke in the grand cinema we call existence. :-)
- How funny is it to hear a computer tech say "Windows 7 BETA is now available for trial use... and I bet it's still more stable than Vista"..?? :-)
- Never... EVER... set the fridge to it's coldest setting, when there are only a few beers in it... Or make sure you have a big towel handy when you decide to crack one open... :-)
- Beer Slushies are not as good as one might think... :-)
- Stepping in a puddle of beer that foamed out of the can because it was frozen when you opened it... Oh Hell... you get the picture. :-)
- Damn... that walkway was slippery, but the night sky looks so pretty from down here. :-)
- How many phone calls ending in "Sorry Ken. He's still out of the office. Call back tomorrow, and we'll set up this appointment" , must one endure before you think "This cheap bastard just wants to avoid paying us!!!"...??? :-)
- Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? ... A: Waffles don't have credit cards... :-)
- Why do I think the joke above is funny?? And, should I seek professional help?? :-)
- Kenny G.'s technique for not feeling so sad: 1. Listen to "Whiskey Lullaby" (Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss), "Given Up" (Linkin Park), "More Than A Memory" (Garth Brooks), and "Bother" (Stone Sour) on an endless loop... 2. Drink a 30-Pack a night... 3. Kick yourself in the morning... 4. Find a new technique... :-)
- How the Hell did I get mud on my new work shirt... and how the Hell is it still there after 3 washings??? :-)
- Why does this chair smell like cat urine... why is the cat laughing at me... and why am I still sitting here?? :-)
- Do I have a smiley face addiction?? :-)
- Kenny G.
I've noticed... more often than not... I forget this is FUNNY or Die... not "Be a whiney little punk ass"... or Die...
So, in a effort to maintain my "FOD cred".... (... snicker.. snicker... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!....) .... Here's a few Jems I found on my Inter-Webular travels...
First... The single greatest reason, ever, to go Green:
For Beer... I'll buy a Prius... A pink one if that's all they have left...
Next... A glimpse into our intellectual progression through the centuries:
To the windows... To the walls... As humanity's intelligence falls....
And Finally, as I can never get away from a good description of a "Bad Day"...:
May these be a Chuckle upon you heart, and a Laugh unto your feet.... but please don't trip over them... as that bull will find YOU next...
- Kenny G.
(Warning: Immense bitching/complaining/venting session about to commence.... read at your own risk)
I swear to Osiris, I have never had this many frustrated customers call me in one day.... I literally feels like I'm undergoing a combination thorough prostate exam/botched catheter insertion/anesthesia free root canal/cosmetic lobotomy!!!
What?? Did Y2K just decide to wait 9 years and 4 days to finally happen, and only to our customers???
Who has to voodoo doll, and why are you jamming so many needles into it's ass right now??? :-)
Ok... Venting complete... I feel slightly better.... dammit... now the phone's ringing again... That didn't last long....
Where the hell are we going, and why am I in this hand-basket???
- Kenny G.
