Yes... The Truck Still has reverse. :-)
Yes... Uncle Sam is making me cry.... But at least I won't be homeless :-)
I need a second job... but the only things I do well (read: don't completely suck eggs at) are drink beer and write... Any ideas?
Speaking of writing... I personally feel this is the best writing I've done in a long time... if not ever... But I would like some feed back...
http://sabre419shovel.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-trilogy.html
Anyways... WTF!!??!!?? 259 Newsfeed items??? If anyone thinks I have the time to catch up on all of this... they are Nucking Futz!!! :-)
Needless to say... if I happen to miss anyone's recent bloggage, or newest videos, please take this as a heartfelt apology... I will try to read/watch/shart myself laughing over everything... but I'm only one man-boy-pig-dork-chuckle head :-)
Ok... enough rambling... I've got an arse-load of blogs to read... and Stuff. :-)
- Kenny G.
So... Here's the textual version of what it was going to be:
Scene: Me, Sitting in a chair.
"Well friends... We are now here, in the twighlitght of a truly momentous occassion. What finally came to fruition during the week of January 19th, 2009... was a moment far too long in the making.
We all know the struggles that have been faced to get here... And the prices that have been paid for this moment to finally become a reality.
I know, especially for myself, that there were moments that made this event seem so impossible... So didfficult to believe that it would ever happen, let alone in our lifetime...
But, here and now, my dear friends, we can all join hands and proudly declare, for the whole world to hear... "
Scene: Outside, big green truck with motor running.
Truck then is shifted, and rolls backwards without hesitation. Truck stops, I get out of driver's door.
" The truck has reverse!!! The truck has reverse!!!!"
I dance like an idiot in the middle of the street....
Credits: This video is dedicated to my dear friends Steve and Laura, who kept wheels under my arse while I was truckless.. Chuck the Transmition God who brought life back to the "Green Beast"... and to all my FOD friends, who've tolerated my never-ending blog-bitching about my broken truck....
...... I thought it was kind of funny.... But anyways.... Let's just say the past few months have kicked the ever loving crap out of my spirit... to the point that the only things really making me laugh significantly are pictures like this...
And yes.... I do want to find this shirt....
I have a problem... When times get tough... and I get down... I hide in fantasies... Here on FOD... in things I write... anwhere I can to escape the reality of the bullshit around me...
The problem is... when I crawl into "Imagination Land"... and try to live by leaning on dreams and fairy tales... I neglect the mess that's piling up around me...
And sadly... Landlords don't accept "Awesome Pants" for rent... and bill collectors don't lower your payment from "I Love You's"....
I've got a lot of things I must get straight... now.... And I can't do that from here... on FOD...
So... I'm taking a departure from FOD....
I don't know how long I'll be... I must get my life straight before I spend another second where I actually want to be...
Don't worry... I'll be ok.... I'm tougher than I look... And I'll still post on my blogger blog from time to time...( www.sabre419shovel.blogspot.com ) ... although it might be a lot of serious, non funny posts... but then again... isn't that most of what I write here anyways? :-) ... and I have an email address on there too... If you really want to drop the occasional line....
And, for the moments it gets too rough to handle.... Lady Pilsner and Lord Jack will offer me a shoulder to lean on for a night...
I'll miss you guys while I'm gone... But this is something I have to do....
As Country Singer Clint Black put it... I'll just be "Off somewhere untangling my mind..."
So... Be good to one another... keep the funnies flowing... and keep a seat warm at the lunchroom table for me.... Because I know I'll be hungry for FOD time when things are good again....
Till then... Kudos... and Stuff.
- Kenny G.
And we know, even though it will likely end up bad for the poor little beasty...
We can't help but laugh at the utter stupidity of animals...
But, I ask you, isn't the true reason we enjoy the follies and failures of the animal kingdom...
... our defense mechanism for not looking at out own foolishness...
... Our own stupidity...
.... and our own failures...??
Yes, I am available for counseling sessions...
.... I'll just need to see your Therapist Degree first. :-)
- Kenny G.
Alright alright... settle down... I mean, after all, who DIDN'T see this coming...
Guess what didn't get done this weekend? ..... (I'll give you a moment to ponder... but do you really need it?)
Yep, no video... Didn't get edited... didn't get filmed... Hell... it didn't even get written out...
But then... those of you who know me, really shouldn't be surprised by this fact.... How long did the last train-wreck take to finally be completed??
I'm a lazy, unmotivated, half-ass... But enough about the obvious...
Needless to say... I'm not gonna make any more promises... I just can't keep them... Period
As far as the video is concerned... an important part of it requires an outdoor shot... and since it starts getting dark at freaking NOON in Michigan during the winter months... let's just hope I find some way to make it work... despite my retarded rat-race 9-5 work schedule...
As the old saying goes... "I can stick my well-laid plans up my..." well... I can't really finish this quote... as there is no aspect of me that getting "Well-Laid" at this point in life... and if I was... it sure as Hades would not be my a$$... I don't bat for the Yankees...
Oh... And I'm DEFINATELY not shooting it tonight... I have depressed/angry/frustraded/psychotic venting to do from the relative safety of my bar stool tonight. :-)
Till the liver has been properly punished,
- Kenny G.
So... This was quite a monumental week, now wasn't it...
So... in celebration... I'm shooting a short, off-the-cuff video....
Should be posted tomorrow... or Sunday if I decide to do any have assed editing/credit adding...
But, that's all I'm gonna say about it for now....
I'm such a frickin dork... Hahaha.. :-)
I will say, though, it has nothing to do with this little bastard....
- Kenny G.
So, last night, I was watching Spike TV, and a little show they have call "Manswers" came on...
It's a show that handles many of Man's Toughest Questions, IE: How durable are breast implants, does any species of animal engage in prostitution other than Humans... so on any so forth...
(Durable enough to withstand a microwave, and a 350LB man belly flopping on them, but not a bullet.... and Yes, chimpanzees... if you were curious....)
As a long time student of Philosophy, I love that show. (I took a 1 semester directed study in High school, and had to write 4, yes... 4... 500+ word papers in one night.... got a A on all of them... Yes... I used to write good an' stuff.)
Anyways... One of the topics Manswers answered last night was "What kind of music is most likely to make you want to kill yourself?".... They offered solutions of "Heavy Metal"... "Rap"... "Bagpipes".... But it turns out it's none of them....
It's Country!
Now, as a long time fan of Country Music (Garth Brooks is playing as I type this...), I started to take offense... even when they showed stats that the major metro areas with the most Country stations do, indeed, have the highest suicide rates...
I've always believed that Stonesour's "Bother" was the most "self-lynching inducing" song in the world... but, it's just my opinion...
After the segment, they went to commercial... and I flipped channels... The next channel on my dial is GAC... the Country music video channel... And the video that was playing was about NASCAR. (And as I have previously stated, the Daytona 500 is the third holiest day in my religion...) So, I started watching it...
.... And the song seemed unfamiliar to me.....
................. As did the artist singing it.....
............................... And when I saw who it was.... I cringed... and wept........
.................................................... Kevin Costner is now a Country singer..........
And suddenly.... I knew Manswers was right..... as I now felt.... while watching what was being passed off as Country music.... A strong urge to grab the bat by my chair.... and beat myself until the pain stopped.....
It's official.... Kevin Costner wants me dead.... How else can you explain anyone letting that talentless Hack put out an album... No, not just one song.... an entire God-Forsaken album.....
I feel so cold now.....
- Kenny G.
