Yeah Right!!!!
I know I've said this many times before... but St. Patrick's Day is, indeed, my Holiest of Holies... It is my day to justify the same crap I do 364 other days a year, but this time, wearing green. :-)
Aside from that, Buck's has the best damned corned beef I've ever eaten, so at least there will be something to saok up all the green food coloring I'll ingest tonight.
I don't know what it is, but I just truly feel at peace on this grand occassion.... I can finally, for once, get into the festive and partying mood that all those around me enjoy... and I like it...
So, to all of you, my dear and wonderous Fod friends and family, a simple toast:
"To Honor-
Honor, Inner,
If you can't Come Inner,
Come Honor!"
(Say it out loud if you don't get it....)
Crude, yes... but funny too. :-)
Happy High Holy Holiday All!
- Kenny G.
*giggle giggle... snort... giggle guffaw*
Ok... enough childish tom-foolery from me... Yeah Right! Like that's possible...
But, seriously... I'm at "Thing He's Said" # 1999... And I'm stuck...
I really want the 2000th thing I say to be profound... the be the greatest slice of my wit and wile the every be posted on FOD... I want to look back, many moons from now, see this comment, and say: " Yeppers Kenny, that was your A+ game right there..."
So, Help me, my FOD Friends.... What have others done for their Bi-Millennial comment?? What do others plan to do when they reach the level of "Can't-Shut-The-F*ck-Up-edness" I am perched upon...
I need recommendations...
Cute... No... really... I'm in need of sound advice...
Damnit! I'm serious here... I need words of Wisdom!!!
Bloody Hell....
-Kenny G.
That is all...
- Kenny G.
So... Just to clarify... I'm not rich.... I'm not even close to rich... Hell, I'm lucky I can even spell "rich"...
My family isn't rich either... but my mother sure seems to think so...
See, she has a problem. She gets herself a new cell phone at least every year... if not sooner..... No... not as part of some "New all the damned time" contract plan... she ebays herself every new phone she has a hankering for....
About two years ago... she got herself a Palm Trio... It worked great, for a second... then it made her mad... so she got a newer and better trio... and pawned the old one off on me...
The problem was... When she got the first Trio... I got the old Razr she had... and I loved that phone.... Until the cat knocked a cup of water on it, and it gave up the will to display....
See, I'm pretty simple (I'll just leave the joke at that... you all run with it...:-) ...) ... all I want my phone to do is make/recieve calls, text message, have a usable alarm clock... and maybe take pictures, although that's not a need... it's a toy feature... That's why I loved the Razr... it was so easy, even a Kenny could work it...
The Trio just made me feel stupid(er)... like I need to be a sniper with a stylus, and have a frickin masters from MIT, just to set my morning wake up call.... so I dumped the Trio after about a month... and went back to a good old fashioned green-screen display I had in a drawer at home...
Then... last Summer... Mom got a Blackberry Curve, and tried to pawn the new Trio off on me... And I said no... I'd had a bad taste in my mouth from the last one, and the new Razr I got for X-mas was just so much better (even though it liked to randomly turn off, thanks to, guess what... charging in water... Noticing a pattern here??)
Now we get to last month... when Mom felt the need to get a new G1 (or whatever the hell it's called....).... and she offered me the Crack... I mean.., "Blackberry".....
Me + Smart Phones = Funny shit... No... seriously... it took me 5 minutes to figure out it wasn't a touch screen.... (Ok... maybe just one minute... but still.....)
But now... I have the thing pretty down pat... and I'm scared.....
Seriously... do we really need to be giving Kenny more ways to access Porn... I mean, log on to FOD... no... I mean look up Porn....
Seriously.... I was already here....
Did we need to upgrade to this???
So... yeah.... I now have this thing set up for all 6... yes... 6... email addresses I have.... Not my work one though... I get over 100+ emails on that one a day... way too much beeping.....
But... Yeah.... I'm a Crackberry Head now.... God help us all...
- Kenny G.
Nope... I'm talking two of my favoite-est things in forevers and stuff:
1) NASCAR!!!
Daytona 500 bitches!!! Yes, I know... it sucked that it got rained out, but still, it was a good race (except that JR. had to wreck the damned field and take out two of my Fantasy Nascar Drivers out of the race... Why you gotta let me down like that Dawg??)
It's been a while, but finally... my excessive drinking on the Sabbath can be justified again.
2) Half Past Beer 30!!!!
The drunken boobs (Steve O. and Myself) are firing up the old Ibook, and beginning the Podcast anew, with our new buddy Karaoke Steve (Nickname not yet certain) joining our drunken banter-fest!
Check out old episodes on Itunes... just search for "Half Past Beer 30"... or go to www.halfpastbeer30.com :-)
You know... that Podcast is the reason I started my blogger blog.. blog... all those years ago... No... seriously... check my old posts from 2005... I ain't kidding...
.... Now, I have my 24.... my Red Wings... my NASCAR... and soon... our Podcast....
.......... Maybe life doesn't suck absolute ass. :-)
( "Absolute Ass" is in no way affiliated with "Absolut Vodka"... Dammit!! )
- Kenny G.
Ah, Valentines Day...
A time for Love.... and Romance...
A time to tell that "Special Someone"... just how you truly feel...
A time, to love... and to be loved...
I guess... It's best summed up in this little poem I got in an email many, many years ago...
"Fuck Valentines Day"
Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer
It is definatley the most annoying day of the year
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass
Before i shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week
People act all sweet, but it soon will fade
For all they are doing is trying to get laid
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit
Because I think love is a crock of shit
So heres my story...what else can I say?
Love bites my ass...Fuck Valentines Day!
So... Who's got some shot recipes for me to try Friday night??? If it gets me to pass out by 11:59 PM Friday, and not wake back up till 12:00 AM Sunday morning... I'll send you a cookie. :-)
- Kenny G.
