Melissa Fay Melissa Fay

Melissa Fay

Help you I can.

I am in college to become a writer, which I am told is a complete waste of time, but I figure it's something to do between all the lay offs. I did accounting for 10 years, but then I realized it wasn't punk rock. I am a silly sweet genius. Trouble looks for me, and I thwart it every time. I was kidnapped at the age of four, I was in a school bus accident in the first grade, and the list goes on. I'm just like Mr. Magoo, if Mr. Magoo wasn't blind, wasn't old, and could read minds... I'm definitely just as clumsy. I could trip in a swimming pool. Sometimes I feel like an alien in a society of robots. I swim upstream and go against the grain, but not on purpose... not always. I just happen to think very differently than most people. It could have something to do with the drugs... but then again, everyone else is on drugs too... and I've never even done acid. I don't get flashbacks like most of my friends, and I was only arrested that one time... Yeah, it's probably just me. I'm weird... either that, or gifted. I'm special because I can recite Newton's Three Laws of Motion, drain a three-pointer from behind the arc, play Stairway to Heaven on the guitar and recite every single line of A Princess Bride in perfect rhythm. I can probably kick your ass too, even if you're a large man. I'm like a ninja. Like a semi-nerdy, but kinda hot ninja... usually, I make grown men cry before I fight them, and then I make them drink their own tears. I love puppies and kittens, and God. I also love the Devil. I love Satan with all my heart because Jesus said to love your enemies. What? They're all in on it together anyways... AND the Mayans. Buddha's kinda cool too... I enjoy meditating. I even achieved nirvana once, but it was like, really boring... You could say I know a LOT about religion. And about getting chased by dogs and shot at. Getting spat on. All by the age of 10. I was raised Jehovah's Witness. .. Right, well enough about me...