PublicAccessComic

Patiently waiting for SNL to reach rock bottom. They got rid of Jimmy Fallon, that was a good move, BUT they let Farrell slip away. Dumb. That's like...well...I'm just going to say it. To hell with it! That's like wearing the pink helmet on the short bus, and it was really your retar... more >

Patiently waiting for SNL to reach rock bottom. They got rid of Jimmy Fallon, that was a good move, BUT they let Farrell slip away. Dumb. That's like...well...I'm just going to say it. To hell with it! That's like wearing the pink helmet on the short bus, and it was really your retarded sister's helmet. And now she is pissed and she's all gimpy because of the polio...heh, polio, dang, that makes me laugh. Not cause it's funny, to me it is, but THAT is a secret, (shh....SECRET....shhhhoosh) but polio is funny not on many levels (just one really) and that is the level that, well, that I am a horrible human being.

There it is.

So yeah....where were we?

Oh yeah, I want a job Lorne. I'll wrk for one week free, then you can sh*t-can me if you think I'm not the funniest man in there since And-a Gas-Tire. GOL-dang! That wuz funny! I dun care WHOYA ARE! DAS FUNN-EE!

Stupid Dan Whitney and his lame red-neck million-dollar idea.

Your old stuff was funny, lame, but funny. Stop cashing the checks and praying on peoples need to elect Republic Coke-fiend-C-students-with-ADHD and start writing GOOD jokes. Douchebag. You sold out and no-one (but me?) besides yourself and the turd in your pocket are willing to call you on it.... lame man, you were an artist. Was it worth it?

Sam Kinison (sp?) NOW HE WAS FUNNY. Only comic that ever changed a life by screaming in another man's face. True stuff. When I start going nuts my delusions include Sam in his trademark trench-coat and barret, screaming at me to "take my pills...you loser-punk-genius-lil-PU-SSSSSS-EEEEEEEEEEiIiiEIEEEYYYYY...AAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAA!!!"

And you know what else, pricks, Confuscious couldn't TOUCH that brilliant logic. Stupid bastard. GO SIT CROSSLEGGED IN THE CORNER AND PLAN THE PEACE FOR ALL MAN-KIND YOU JERK!

where were we? damnit. butterfly musta went by...

Think anyone will read this stupid thing?

Will Ferrel? I heard you were a bank teller before you got sick of people and went to make them laugh on a larger scale...that true? Good for you if it is! I'm sick of un-deserving people not getting the jokes I craft for them. I want to get an agent, if I could just get maybe, I dunno, 15 MINUTES with someone who has PULL. I'm certain I could solve Lorne's problems...

And Lorne, my man (not really, you know I'm only putting my penis in your NAT-A-GINA, right? good.) just give me a chance, I'd work for free for a month for pop-tarts and paper/pencil. seriously. I'm afraid that if I didn't ask for paper and pencil, you'd make me crap on a biscuit or something, and smear it around like a cross between Jackson Pollack and a republican. Crap. You aren't a republican are you?

damn. Well....anyone know the number for CMT? They need a show and I have the best one ever for them. I need a lawyer. or an agent. man I'm lazy...

I hate phone books, someone mind sending me some TRUE info on a talent agent (10% or less) or a creative properties legal-aide? I need protection. Not like condoms, I don't want them to sit in my wallet until 60 years has gone by and I finally stop laughing at all the gay jokes...(anyone out there getting any of this?) I hate when 30 jokes-per-minute only lands one laugh and 300 stupid looking people's confused expressions...

I need a challenge

I have vacation

I act better than most

I am funnier than most, or all

I am inspired by all of the right comics. name one, I'm sure I've stuied them

my familly is a long line of smart asses

I know a jew, if that helps. I think my grandfather either banged one or married one, not sure...get a quije' board and ask him... jerk. Bringin up all the dead relatives eh? crappy of you...truely.

Oh yeah, I can do 100% clean comedy for as long as I can stand it. I usually go until someone pees themselves.

I work cheap. Try me, you'll see. No sperm. I gave up George W. Brand Breath-Mints a LONG time ago. And his dad has never spoken to me since. Stupid Chi-Mos.

I enjoy Robin Williams. He moves pretty close to the speed of my brain. Seems like a good guy.

Well, this is boring now, and without laughter and the possibility of people peeing themselves...well...it isn't as fun.

later.

-Aaron OUT!

p.s. I do impressions, have a rubber face, I hate people that crack during bits, sketches, and rehearsal... and more. Die Fallon, you suck. Stop laughing. Be serious when you earn money to make people laugh. Who are you? Carrot top? Get your sh*t together, man. J*sus F*ckig Chr*st you have NO ability to keep a straight face? Need me to slap it? Think of death, me humping your retarded cousin in his/her severed ear-hole....mmmmm. not laughing now? GOOD! you hack. that wasn't hard was it? you need a career change man, maybe you could milk prostates professionally? I hear people love it when A) the guy behind you giggles non-stop and B) they see a hand on both sides of their back yet the exam continues. Get a piece of paper and email when you get that you dipsh*t. WIPE THE SMILE OFF YOUR FACE, LOSER! YOU AREN'T FUNNY TILL THE JOKES COME OUT.

where was I?

Oh, I like segue (sp?) comedy, I like rants, I like Luis Black, but I don't like to cuss a lot, I enjoy long walks on tall stilts, I like yams (no reason really, they taste like crap- dare to be different, I suppose)

I want to no-credit write for one month, then act for one year, then write privately for the rest of my days.

Can someone help me?

Thanks.

-aaronwbennett@live.com < less