WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.174 --> 00:00:03.162 (light music) 2 00:00:03.162 --> 00:00:04.660 - Alf went all out to surprise Kate 3 00:00:04.660 --> 00:00:06.023 and Willy for their anniversary! 4 00:00:06.023 --> 00:00:08.383 He baked a toothpaste cake and made Playdoh pate. 5 00:00:08.383 --> 00:00:10.065 Unfortunately, they can't eat his poison 6 00:00:10.065 --> 00:00:11.507 because they have tickets to a show. 7 00:00:11.507 --> 00:00:13.552 No problem, Alf can party with Lynn and Brian. 8 00:00:13.552 --> 00:00:14.848 Except Brian has a sleepover. 9 00:00:14.848 --> 00:00:16.302 And if Lynn doesn't have to babysit him, 10 00:00:16.302 --> 00:00:18.189 she's wants to go blast farts with her bestie. 11 00:00:18.189 --> 00:00:19.517 Leaving Alf trapped alone in the house, 12 00:00:19.517 --> 00:00:21.277 unable to leave at the risk of being tortured 13 00:00:21.277 --> 00:00:23.420 by the government if anyone finds out he exists. 14 00:00:23.420 --> 00:00:25.027 Alf consumes his diarrhea buffet, 15 00:00:25.027 --> 00:00:26.322 tries to eat the family cat, 16 00:00:26.322 --> 00:00:27.833 then turns on a radio advice show. 17 00:00:27.833 --> 00:00:29.618 He hears a friendly voice named Jody telling 18 00:00:29.618 --> 00:00:30.988 the Doc why she's lonely. 19 00:00:30.988 --> 00:00:33.087 - Los Angeles seems so overwhelming. 20 00:00:33.087 --> 00:00:35.333 Moving here was like moving to a different planet. 21 00:00:35.333 --> 00:00:36.625 - Alf feels that. 22 00:00:36.633 --> 00:00:39.182 - People react funny when they find out I'm not like them. 23 00:00:39.182 --> 00:00:40.468 - Alf feels that, too! 24 00:00:40.468 --> 00:00:42.635 Dr. Laura says Jody needs to put herself out there 25 00:00:42.635 --> 00:00:43.892 and eventually she'll find a friend. 26 00:00:43.892 --> 00:00:45.173 Alf calls in, wanting to talk 27 00:00:45.173 --> 00:00:46.738 to that emotionally unstable caller. 28 00:00:46.738 --> 00:00:48.337 They say they can't give out Jody's info, 29 00:00:48.337 --> 00:00:50.462 because creepy dudes make these requests every day, 30 00:00:50.462 --> 00:00:52.777 so Alf asks if they can give her his number. 31 00:00:52.786 --> 00:00:54.681 And tell Jody she found a friend. 32 00:00:54.681 --> 00:00:55.777 The phone rings instantly, 33 00:00:55.777 --> 00:00:57.422 Jody is super horny for friendship. 34 00:00:57.422 --> 00:00:59.465 Alf and Jody begin talking multiple times a day, 35 00:00:59.465 --> 00:01:00.782 and the family is concerned. 36 00:01:00.782 --> 00:01:02.358 Alf goes to talk to Jody privately, 37 00:01:02.358 --> 00:01:03.435 presumably about fucking, 38 00:01:03.435 --> 00:01:05.333 and Kate wonders where this relationship is going. 39 00:01:05.333 --> 00:01:06.166 Damn, Kate. 40 00:01:06.166 --> 00:01:06.999 What's with all the labels, 41 00:01:06.999 --> 00:01:08.838 just let this alien do phone sex in your kitchen. 42 00:01:08.838 --> 00:01:10.170 Alf says he's in love! 43 00:01:10.170 --> 00:01:11.253 They have so much in common. 44 00:01:11.253 --> 00:01:12.427 They both love cats! 45 00:01:12.427 --> 00:01:13.760 Except Alf loves to eat pussy, 46 00:01:13.760 --> 00:01:15.157 which explains why Jody is so interested 47 00:01:15.157 --> 00:01:16.123 in what he has to say. 48 00:01:16.123 --> 00:01:17.718 Alf has a date with her tomorrow! 49 00:01:17.726 --> 00:01:19.043 The fam says he can't go. 50 00:01:19.043 --> 00:01:21.018 Because if anyone sees him, including Jody, 51 00:01:21.018 --> 00:01:22.790 he's going to be the one getting his guts stuffed. 52 00:01:22.790 --> 00:01:24.282 With Uncle Sam's scalpel. 53 00:01:24.282 --> 00:01:26.115 Alf says that won't be an issue because 54 00:01:26.115 --> 00:01:27.349 - Jody's blind! 55 00:01:27.349 --> 00:01:28.182 (laughing) 56 00:01:28.182 --> 00:01:29.465 - Blind? - Blind. 57 00:01:29.465 --> 00:01:31.578 - Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder did I stutter blind. 58 00:01:31.587 --> 00:01:33.287 Kate says Alf can't go out with Jody. 59 00:01:33.287 --> 00:01:34.947 But has no good rebuttal when he accuses her 60 00:01:34.947 --> 00:01:36.672 of discriminating against the visually impaired. 61 00:01:36.672 --> 00:01:37.903 They want to know what will happen 62 00:01:37.903 --> 00:01:39.268 when she starts asking questions. 63 00:01:39.268 --> 00:01:41.098 Alf says he already told her everything! 64 00:01:41.098 --> 00:01:42.647 Everything meaning a bunch of lies about 65 00:01:42.647 --> 00:01:44.295 how he's from Cincinnati and has two kids 66 00:01:44.295 --> 00:01:46.437 after a brief marriage to a woman named Cathy. 67 00:01:46.437 --> 00:01:48.655 The fam says it's too dangerous. 68 00:01:48.655 --> 00:01:50.545 Alf is sad he can't have friends. 69 00:01:50.545 --> 00:01:51.875 They say they'll be his friends! 70 00:01:51.875 --> 00:01:54.723 Alf clarifies he means NFF, non-family friends, 71 00:01:54.723 --> 00:01:56.480 AKA friends who might maybe, one day, 72 00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:57.563 touch your alien boner 73 00:01:57.563 --> 00:01:59.238 then he sulks his furry ass to bed. 74 00:01:59.238 --> 00:02:01.145 Alf is at rock bottom talking to a sock. 75 00:02:01.145 --> 00:02:03.422 Losing his damn mind at the idea of a life with nobody 76 00:02:03.422 --> 00:02:04.848 to fondle his extra terrest-ricles. 77 00:02:04.848 --> 00:02:06.557 Lynn puts herself in Alf's shoes. 78 00:02:06.557 --> 00:02:08.460 Stuck in the house with her family forever? 79 00:02:08.460 --> 00:02:09.898 Every teen's nightmare. 80 00:02:09.898 --> 00:02:11.023 She vows to bust him out 81 00:02:11.023 --> 00:02:12.056 so he can bust a nut. 82 00:02:12.056 --> 00:02:13.465 Lynn waits for her parents to leave 83 00:02:13.465 --> 00:02:15.265 and hides Alf in the same disguise the Ninja Turtles 84 00:02:15.265 --> 00:02:16.512 used when they want to see a movie. 85 00:02:16.512 --> 00:02:17.825 She says she'll be back at nine p.m. 86 00:02:17.825 --> 00:02:19.880 and whatever happens, do not let this blind chick 87 00:02:19.880 --> 00:02:20.871 know you're an alien. 88 00:02:20.871 --> 00:02:22.795 Alf gives Jody the compliment every blind person 89 00:02:22.795 --> 00:02:23.628 wants to hear. 90 00:02:23.628 --> 00:02:25.722 - Nice place you have here, 91 00:02:25.722 --> 00:02:26.833 in case you were wondering. 92 00:02:26.833 --> 00:02:28.228 - Things are off to a slow start, 93 00:02:28.228 --> 00:02:29.553 but I guess it's always a little awkward 94 00:02:29.553 --> 00:02:30.850 when you meet up with someone from the radio 95 00:02:30.850 --> 00:02:32.729 who can't see shit and you're from outer space. 96 00:02:32.729 --> 00:02:34.550 Jody apologizes for the cat hair on the furniture 97 00:02:34.550 --> 00:02:36.197 and says he'll probably be covered in it 98 00:02:36.197 --> 00:02:37.288 by the time he leaves. 99 00:02:37.288 --> 00:02:39.083 Jody offers Alf some shrimp appetizers 100 00:02:39.083 --> 00:02:40.593 and he wolfs them down without sharing. 101 00:02:40.593 --> 00:02:42.463 This could be the end of the date, but instead prompts 102 00:02:42.463 --> 00:02:44.892 a vulnerable lightning round convo about their insecurities: 103 00:02:44.892 --> 00:02:46.477 they talk about how loneliness, depression, 104 00:02:46.477 --> 00:02:48.153 and anxiety impact their eating habits. 105 00:02:48.153 --> 00:02:49.953 Then move on to bigger potential deal breakers 106 00:02:49.953 --> 00:02:52.059 like Alf is short and Jody reads with her thumbs. 107 00:02:52.059 --> 00:02:52.975 The date is going great, 108 00:02:52.975 --> 00:02:54.918 until Jody hears Lynn whisper calling Alf. 109 00:02:54.918 --> 00:02:57.081 Jody suspects it's his whore ex-wife, Cathy. 110 00:02:57.081 --> 00:02:58.990 Alf tries to explain that it's just the teenage girl 111 00:02:58.990 --> 00:03:00.425 he lives with, which is not an explanation 112 00:03:00.433 --> 00:03:01.687 that puts Jody's mind at ease. 113 00:03:01.687 --> 00:03:03.823 Alf says he wishes he could tell her the truth, 114 00:03:03.823 --> 00:03:04.748 but he can't. 115 00:03:04.748 --> 00:03:07.152 He just wants Jody to know he cares about her. 116 00:03:07.152 --> 00:03:08.240 She cares about him! 117 00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:09.842 Alf wants her to take a chance. 118 00:03:09.842 --> 00:03:10.841 She says... 119 00:03:10.841 --> 00:03:11.674 yes! 120 00:03:11.674 --> 00:03:13.733 Because the dating scene in LA is really this bad. 121 00:03:13.733 --> 00:03:16.604 Alf whispers something mysterious we don't get to hear. 122 00:03:16.604 --> 00:03:18.620 Wait, did Lost In Translation rip off Alf? 123 00:03:18.620 --> 00:03:20.199 Jody says Alf's whisper sounds good, 124 00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:21.249 shakes his hand goodbye, 125 00:03:21.249 --> 00:03:22.473 and becomes urgently concerned 126 00:03:22.473 --> 00:03:23.859 about her cat hair situation. 127 00:03:23.859 --> 00:03:25.832 Lynn says she's glad it's all over. 128 00:03:25.832 --> 00:03:28.675 Alf says it's not over because we do see Jody again 129 00:03:28.675 --> 00:03:30.538 because she's coming over for dinner Saturday night. 130 00:03:30.538 --> 00:03:31.794 So what did we learn today? 131 00:03:31.794 --> 00:03:32.927 Blind women are horny as hell 132 00:03:32.927 --> 00:03:34.265 and will meet up with short hairy dudes 133 00:03:34.265 --> 00:03:35.192 they met over the radio 134 00:03:35.192 --> 00:03:36.308 to feed them plates of shrimp. 135 00:03:36.308 --> 00:03:37.608 And being an alien is lonely. 136 00:03:37.608 --> 00:03:39.095 But if you have to spend the rest of your life 137 00:03:39.095 --> 00:03:40.432 in the valley with these goobers, 138 00:03:40.432 --> 00:03:41.614 it's enough to drive you coo-coo. 139 00:03:41.614 --> 00:03:42.630 And men ain't shit. 140 00:03:42.630 --> 00:03:43.871 If they say they want friendship, 141 00:03:43.871 --> 00:03:45.038 they probably want sex. 142 00:03:45.038 --> 00:03:46.897 And they'll say anything to maybe get that sex 143 00:03:46.897 --> 00:03:49.342 including making up a fake ex-wife from Cincinnati. 144 00:03:49.342 --> 00:03:51.073 But fellas, be careful with your lies, 145 00:03:51.073 --> 00:03:52.972 because they might jeopardize your chances with the horny 146 00:03:52.972 --> 00:03:54.697 blind lady when she thinks Cathy's at the door thanks 147 00:03:54.697 --> 00:03:55.932 to her heightened sense of hearing. 148 00:03:55.932 --> 00:03:58.913 And Lost In Translation ripped off season one of Alf. 149 00:03:58.913 --> 00:04:01.213 See you next time on A Very Special Episode.