WEBVTT

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[Opening music]

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ZACH:  Sorry I had to cancel a few times.
I just…

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…my mouse pad broke last week

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and I had to get my great aunt some 
diabetes shoes and uh...

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You know what Zach, it's no problem.

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I mean I have to say when I heard that like,

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people actually watch this show 
I was actually pretty surprised.

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ZACH:  Shhh… shhhh!

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Hi.  Welcome to another edition of 
Between Two Ferns.

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I'm your host Zach Galifianakis.

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And uh, my guest today is,
uh, Barack Oba --

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President Barack Obama.

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Good to be with you, Zach.

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ZACH:  First question --

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In 2013 you pardoned a turkey. 

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What do you have planned for 2014?

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We'll probably pardon another turkey-

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we do that every Thanksgiving.

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Was that depressing to you?

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Seeing one turkey 
kind of taken out of circulation?

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A turkey you couldn't eat?

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[silence]

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So how does this work?

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Do you send ambassador Rodman to 
North Korea on your behalf? 

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I'd read somewhere that you'd be sending 
Hulk Hogan to Syria. 

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Or is that more of a job for Tonya Harding?

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Zach, he's not our ambassador.

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What should we do about North Ikea?

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[fumbles]  Kor… North..

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PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA:
Why don't we move on.

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I have to know, 
what is it like to be the last black president?

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PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: 
Seriously?

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What's it like for this to be the last time 
you ever talk to a president?

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It must kind of stink though

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that you can't run, you know, three times.

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No, I actually -- I think it's a good idea. 

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If I ran a third time

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it would be sort of like doing a third 'Hangover' movie.

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Didn't really work out very well- did it?

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Now I have to say that 
I've seen this show before and…

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some of the episodes have probably been 

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a little bit better than this.

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You know, for example the one with Bradley Cooper.

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THAT was a great show.

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ZACH:  [mumbles] Yeah everybody loves…

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He kind of carried that movie- didn't he?

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Which… 
which film are you speaking of?

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Uh- those 'Hangover' movies.

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He… basically he carried them.

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Yeah- everybody loves Bradley.

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Good for him!

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Good lookin' guy.

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Being like that in Hollywood- that's easy!

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Tall, handsome- that's easy.

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Be short, fat and smell like Doritos

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and try to make it in Hollywood.

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Is it going to be hard in two years

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when you're no longer President

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and people will stop letting you win at basketball?

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How does it feel- having a three inch vertical?

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It's a three inch horizontal. [smirk] So.

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Where are you planning on building 
your Presidential Library,

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in Hawaii or your home country of Kenya?

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Because… 
I mean both places seem like they would be…

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Zach, that's a ridiculous question.

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Well, you know- 

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I mean not to bring up the birth certificate thing

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but you really never did really produce your real…

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Where is your birth certificate? 
Why don't you show it to us right now?

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I don't want to show anybody my birth certificate 
because it's embarassing.

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- What's embarassing about it?
- ZACH:  [sighs] My weight on it.

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It says that I was born seven pounds…

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eight hundred ounces.

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You know what I would do if I were president Mr. President?

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I would make same-sex divorce illegal.

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Then see how bad they want it.

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I think that's…

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why you're not president.

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And that's a good thing.

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You said if you had a son 
you would not let him play football.

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What makes you think that he would want 
to play football?

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What if he was a nerd like you?

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Do you think a woman like Michelle 
would marry a nerd?

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Why don't you ask her…

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- whether she thinks I'm a nerd.
- ZACH:  Could I?

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No- I'm not gonna let her near you.

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So do you go to any websites 
that are dot coms or dot nets,

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or do you mainly just stick with dot govs?

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No, actually we go to dot govs.
Have you heard of Healthcare.gov?

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ZACH:  Here we go… [heavy sigh]

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Okay, let's get this out of the way.

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What did you come here to plug?

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Well, first of all I think it's fair to say that

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I wouldn't be here with you today 
if I didn't have something to plug.

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Have you heard of the Affordable Care Act?

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Oh yeah- I heard about that.

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That's the thing that doesn't work-

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Why would you get the guy who created the Zune

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to make your website?

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Healthcare.gov works great now.

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And millions of Americans have already gotten

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health insurance plans.

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And what we want is for people to know 
that you can get affordable healthcare.

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Most young Americans right now- 
they're not covered.

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And the truth is they can get coverage

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all for what it cost you 
to pay your cellphone bill.

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ZACH:  [sounding bored] 
Is this what they mean by drones?

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The point is that a lot of young people-

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they think they're invincible.

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Did you say invisible?

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Because uh… 
I just think like that’s impos…

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No, no… not invisible.

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Invincible.

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Meaning that they don't think they can get hurt.

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I'm just saying that nobody can be 
invisible if you had said invisible.

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- PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA:  I understand that.
- [Zach clears his throat]

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If they get that health insurance 
it can really make a big difference.

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And they've got until March 31st to sign up.

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I don't have a computer, so how does…

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Well then you can call 
1-800-318-2596.

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Uh- I don't have a phone. 
I'm off the grid.

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I don’t want you people looking at my text

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if you know what I mean.

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First of all Zack, 
nobody's interested in your texts.

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But second of all, 
you can do it in person.

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And the law means that insurers can't

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discriminate against you

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if you've got a pre-existing condition anymore.

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Yeah- but what about…

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…what about this though?

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That's disgusting.

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How…
how long have you had that?

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Oh- just four months.

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- PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA:  Really?
- ZACH:  Spider bites.

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I got attacked by spiders.

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Zach, you need to get that checked right away.

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You need to get on Healthcare.gov because…

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…that's one of the most 
disgusting things I've ever seen.

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Is your plug finally over?

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Uh…

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…I suppose so.

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So which country were you rooting for 
in the winter Olympics?

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Seriously?

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I'm the President of the United States.

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What do you think, Zach?

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I want to thank President Obama 
for being on the show…

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- PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA:  I'm gonna press this.
- ZACH:  Uh- don't touch that please!

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[loud buzzer sound]

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[loud crashing noises]

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Thanks for the interview and umm…

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thanks for letting me shoot my show here

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all of these years.

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You've been shooting these- these shows…

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…here in the diplomatic room?

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Who gave you permission to do that?

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Bush.

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Seriously?  Who gave him clearance?

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Watch the spider bite!

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PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: 
That's the other hand.

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ZACH:
Eh, no- it's everywhere.

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[closing music]