Hilary and Me

Description: "I rarely have dreams about sex, and I never dream about celebrities. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself in dreamland, kissing and caressing the lovely contours of former teen queen Hilary Duff. Unfortunately, just when I was about to enjoy the fruits of my foreplay labor, Hilary whispers this little tidbit in my ear. "I guess I should tell you that sometimes I keep razor blades in there." Now, normally I run at the slightest hint of danger. But normally, I'm not basking in the glow of Hilary Duff's nether region. Despite the warning, I forged ahead with the reckless abandon of a man that hasn't had any in ten years… I do believe that angels began to sing as I made my final approach. Or perhaps that was just the sound of me whimpering as I awoke still wondering what Hilary had in store."