GOTTA BE CAREFULL WHAT YA WISH FOR...

The hurricain went out to sea and hung around long enough to build its strength up once again.  Now they are saying it will become a hurricain  sometime in the AM. and should reach shore at NEW SMYRNA BEACH about noon.

If this happens and someone gets hurt im gonna kick my own ass...

Anyone who has followed my ramblings knows I like, BIG, POWERFULL,STRONG things. Earthquakes make me horny, driving big gas guzzleing SUVs make me feel sexy, I fish on a hundred ft fishing boat.

I have surrvived a few things that should have killed me, 2 tornados passed over me one I was in a VW beetle under an overpass in texas in the sixties (this tale will be a full rage blog soon), the second last year when a big twister went through NSB and decided to consume my house, ($83,000.00 damage) where a hugh chunk of my neighbors roof came through my bedroom window taking a piece of my  ear befor embedding itself in the wall. Twice I've been shot, and knifed once. Thats enough of that, just trying to make a point I've stared death in the eye more times than most.

So, I was looking forward to this storm. I had plans to go out in it on the beach. I wanted to stand there and face the wind, rain and noise and experience it. My first big blow..

I was invited to a hurricain party by a friend who lives on the beach, and away I went armed with a bottle of Jim Beam and killer weed. We had dinner and I looked out the window and her palms were straight out in the wind, so I ventured forth...INTO NOTHING. THERE WAS NOTHING TO IT AT ALL. What a let down, for some reason the storm spun around New Smyrna. It just sit in Brevard county and raged all day (the county just south of us) , then spun around my town and raged for a few hours 30 miles above us in daytona. So I just ended up getting a little wet and salty.

Problem is I cant wish another hurricain to come this way. It is indiscremenent in who it does evil to. I WISH NO MISFORTUNE ON ANYONE.  That may have been the last time i get to experience this type of phenomenon. Oh well i did win the trivia persuit game,and I havent tried bull riding yet, hmmmmmm.

This just happened and I am really FREAKED... I have a virtual aquarium screensaver, had this thing for years. It has five nice little phish in it, swaying little plants, nice bubbles and a soothing sound.I Sit around doin a doobie and the whole little scene really relaxes me.

UNTILL NOW...

Im sitting here watching my little phish world until one of my fish ( I have decided to name him Phill, Phill the virtual Phish) started to spas out.He was jerking around, swimming around frantically and the others were dodgeing him and swimming to the edges of the aquarium. All of a sudden he shot to the top of the  tank (this is a full screen effect) and he was flopping, rolling around on his back...when all of a sudden he kinda exploded. Blood spewed forth from his mouth, gills and anus...The blood started to spread through the tank, Phill rolled over on his back, twiched a couple of times and slowly sank to the bottom.

The other fish swam over, pecked at him a couple times and then the blood went away and the whole thing went back to normal... Except Phill was still laying on the floor of the tank.

OK NOW...was this a trojan horse joke that the designers built in, What. It was horrible to watch, but I couldnt take my eyes away. ARE MY OTHER PHISH GONNA DIE SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE. Im thinking about taking the dam thing off the disk, but I kinda have this morbid curiosity as to what might happen next...

If you have experienced something like this, or know whats going on with this program, please let me know... Im thinking my laptop is haunted.

Let me start out by mentioning that if your driving across country, especially through the desert, hydrate yourself properly. Yes your body will dry out and do horrible things to you.

Woke up about three  hours after we fell asleep and I was freezing. Lo had me in a bear hug and woke when I stirred and crawled into the back seat. Bad move now I was freezing, looked over at Mac and he was shaking like a vibrator. Reached up to wipe the sleep from my eyes and my right hand came back full of goop, hit the overhead and found the mirror and my right eye looked like the business end of a cream puff. Couldnt even force it open and itched, you wouldn,t believe. Great I got pink eye, cant open my right eye so I dont have depth perception. Then I noticed that we were completly iced in, solid sheath on all windows. Fired up the Lincoln turned on the defrost, but there was a quarter inch of ice. Had to take the thermos into the restrooms and fill it with hot water to get the ice off. Inside I checked the mirror and DAM I looked scary, one eye swollen shut, two and a half days of beard, same clothes i started the trip with. If I saw myself approaching down the street I would have moved to the other side. Just to prove my point a couple of guys came in , took one look at me and moved as far away from me as they could. Wish I had a picture of myself from that morning, it would have made a great caption pic. This was befor I blew my knees and then I was 6'9" and 260 pounds. 36 inch waist, 54 inch chest, 21 inch arms.

So now were on the road again, about 7 am and Ozona was an hour away. On the way Mac and I amused ourselves counting dead deer on the side of the road, distance 65 miles, 47 dead deer. It was also hunting season, and every pick up and car we passed had a buck in it or tied to it. If you remember from chapter one, we rented a ranch close by and every year 20 or so Tennessee boys invaded this town. One year we got 58 good size bucks. Well, we pull of the expressway in Ozona and I told Mac I wanted to find the drugstore and get something for my eye. The pharmacist told me that I didnt have pink eye, that it was dehydration and suggested boric acid. said it would be gone by morning as long as I kept fluids up to par. Took a little soaking but finally got the eye opened and clean and we took off to the Ozona Inn for breakfast.

Befor I relate what happens next I have to give a small explaination to what I was about to do. Had a friend back in HELL-A that was an aspireing stand up comic. He was from northern mid-america and in his routine he liked to mimic a southern accent. I made a comment to him that he did a terrible southern accent ,and he said it wasnt southern, that its a Texas accent. Texas accent I sez, aint no sucha thing. It is a Tennesse accent, dontcha know no history, was Tennesse boys what freed Texas. Crocket, Bouie, Dallas, Houston and all the good ol boys that came down cause they heard they was a fight with Mexico abrewin. IT WERE THESE HERE BOYS THAT GAVE TENNESSE ITS VOLUNTEERS NICKNAME. HOW DARE HE CALL IT A TEXAS ACCENT. Well he thought all my ranting was pretty dam funny and asked me to try to write a routine on that thought for his show. So I was working on that. Now back to the Ozona Inn, and a reminder of my CREATURE OF THE LIVING ASSHOLE LOOK.

Well we pull into the parking lot and the place was full . easily 20 or 30 cars in the lot, most of them with deer. Rifles in every pick up back window. And literally blood all over the parking lot where people had been bringing in thier kills to show off all morning. Walked inside and the place was so full there was only one table left in the very back next to the john. The lady that greeted us, with some fear showing in her eyes, gave us menues and said she was short on help that morning and it might take a few minutes to ge to us. Told her that was fine just get me some coffee and take her time. Mac said he wanted to get cleaned up some so he went in the bath room and I was sitting there listening to these 40 or 50 guys trying to talk to each other. It was really loud and I was listening to their speech patterns, their idiosicms, and of course their accent. What impressed me the most was their happy commeradrae, loud happy, braggin man talk.

So it hits me, Lets try out the Tennessee accent bit, get some real feedback from the real thing. So I stand up, bang on the table, and in a voice that wasnt as loud to me as to the rest of the world, yell WHATS THIS I HEAR ABOUT A TEXAS ACCENT, THERES NO SECHA THING AS A TEXAS ACCENT ITS A TENNESSEE ACCENT. The place went silent, and I figgured they just didn't here me right, cause they didnt laugh, so I bellowed again I SAID WHATS THIS I HEAR ABOUT THIS HERE TEXAS ACCENT, THEYS NO SUCH THING. ITS A TENNESSEE ACCENT...About then an old man sitting way up at the door stood up and said, "please sir, we dont want any trouble." TROUBLE, I yelled, WHAT DO YOU MEAN TROUBLE." It was at  that time Mac came out of the restroom, looked at me, looked out at the crowd, looked back at me, and with a faced utterly sheathed in fear said "Dave, What Are You Doing." I said, IM ENTERTAINING THEM. Mac said the only really smart thing he uttered the whole trip. Dave, I dont think their entertained. This somewhat brought me back to my senses and when a looked back I saw their eyes. heheheh I saw nothing but fear their too. I pulled out a five, dropped it on the table, looked up and said, Im sorry gentle men, I thought you would find that funny. Then  headed for the door with Mac being about 6 inches from me till we got outside. There was another restaraunt across the street so we pile in and head over. we got out and headed toward the door and a man came running to the window with a phone in his hand, a funny look on his face, and when we walked in I thought I should speak first. The guy listened about going cross country, and I used to come here to hunt( turned out he knew my Dad) dehydration , driving 36 hours and when the story was told he did give a little chuckle. He took our order, and while he was fixing our breakfast I saw he was on the phone. As we were leaving I ask him if he called his friend across the street, and he said yes, and everything was fine. He told me the owner across the street knew my Dad too, and I Just came over in the wrong way, no harm done. I said I felt I should go back over and appologize. He said he didnt think that was such a good idea. So we fed and exercised Lo and headed toward Baton Rouge.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened the rest of the way to Baton Rouge, and once we got there I started the 20 question game again. Mac you got this guys Phone number. No, but I'll recognize his exit when we get to it. OK do you have an adress. No, but you can just drop us off. No mac I'll get you to where ever it is your goig. After all, Im on vacation and in no hurry.

About half way through B.R. Mac saw an exit he thought he recognized, and after roaming around maybe another half an hour Mac said that the house we just passed looked familiar. I backed up and we got out, this time I let Mac go to the door himself. He knocked and after a moment the door opened and the lady says, Mac, we were just thinking about you. Wondered when you were going to get backdown this way. She walked out to the car grabbed Lo around the neck and had introductions all around. Turns out her husband had just got a new contract and needed painters and she drew us a map to the site. We got there and sure enough Mac walked right up to this guy and started talking, me and LO ambled over and again with the intros. Mac asked where the john was, guy pointed down the road and away went Mac. The guy looks at me and asks where did I meet Mac, so I give all twenty eight versions illustrated with lines and circles, and when I was done he says, Yep, same thing happens every year. Asked him if he would hire Mac and he said hell yes. Guys one of the best finish painters he ever knew, he could match colors, would work 10 or 12 hours a day, and was wicked fast. The only thing was he might stay for three days or six months, but one pay day he would just smile and say bye. Then he and Loraine would just walk away.

Mac came back about then and we said goodbye. I gave him my parents phone number and my number back in Hell-A. Drove on down to New Smyrna Beach and had a great holiday.

P.S. Right after Christmas I got a call from Mac. He told me he wasnt enjoying himself in B.R. and could he drive back to HELL-A with me. He and Lo did but there were no big adventures. After a few weeks back in L.A. he gave me a call and asked for a little money, seems that he had made a friend that was also "itenerite" and the guy was really sick. Sure , I was glad to help. When I met with him he and this other guy was living under an underpass on the 5 freeway in Burbank. Dam Mac what can I do to help. He said nothing, what could I do. Told him when he needed money for food or medicine for his friend call me. I would always give him what I could . Ol Mac just smiled, thanked me and said he would stay in touch. I went down to the underpass a day or two later and Mac,LO, and his friend were gone. I heard from him about a month later, He told me his friend had died, and he and Lo were going to hit the road and find a painting job. Asked if I could give him some money to get started and he just said no, but he would call next time he was in town.  I never heard from Mac again...

Did I ever mention how much I really liked that dog... and Mac.

Im going to break this little tale into two parts, not because it is so very long, but it is a story within a story. In this episode I will introduce you to Mac the itinerant painter, and his german shepard Sweet Loraine (lovingly refered to as sweet n lo).

This happened during the time I was earning my living as an actor, yep I have a SAG card, and I was in four movies, a couple of pilots that didnt fly, and one porn pic (not as a star, but as a player part). I had just finished with the movie "SPEECHLESS" which starred Gena Davis, Michael Keeton, Ernie Hudson, and it was the last movie Christoper Reeve did befor his accident. Gena had just married Renee' Harland, and this movie was her wedding present. where she got top billing, an assistant producers credit, fifteen mill for salary and 10 points,after overhead. Nice deal. It also had just about everyone on the middle down "A" list and all the prime "B's"... way to many to credit. Anyway, I had some extra cash and it was first of November, so I decided to go visit my folks for the holidays.

I left around 11 pm on a Friday night, so I would hit Pheonix at breakfast, and miss thier morning drive that was as bad as the hollywood freeway going thru Cahuenga pass on any given weekday (if you know anything about HELL-A you know what I mean). It was a beautifull night, I wasnt in any kind of hurry, and I didnt care if it took me 10 days to get to Daytona. I was a little over 100 miles out, smoking a doobie, big full moon and a pile of new toons when all of a sudden,WHAT, the stereo quit. All the lights on the thing went out and not a sound. Oh well not to worry I sez to me, the Pilot truck stops about 50 miles and its probably just a fuse. Got there, got one , but none of em looked bad. WTF I just replaced em all. got in and everything fired up except that gollll darned stereo. OK im not a handy guy and at 2:30 in the morning there was no one there that could fix it, (and I smiled as the cashier said) or install a new one. So I being a southern dude proceeded to go into the percussion maintanence mode. Ended up splitting the dash with a couple of well placed over hands, and cracked the faceing with a spectacular straight from the hip crusher, it proved to take no heed and just sit there all tight lipped. OK one more possible solution, since they sell every and anythig at a truck stop, maybe they have a walkman. No, were out said the cashier (and I smiled as she said) but we have them at our next fascility just over the Texas State line. John Haslam Jr., who just happens to be a friend of mine (we went to highschool together) and C.E.O of Haslam oil and owns all the Pilot truck stops, and stations was sure gonna get a call from me so he could here from the horses mouth that he should give a hugh raise and promotion to this cashier. And when I told her this she was happy to say she had seen him once when they opened this fascility but he looked to damn young to run a company this size. Oh well, Texas was just two states away

So I cruise on down to Pheonix and stop at the I-HOP. Saturday morning it was kinda crowded and I had to park up next to the street. the reason this is relevent is that when I got out I noticed a guy and his dog standing at the top of the freeway entrance hitchhiking. He looked a lil rough, not really in a bad way, just road weary. But I sure did like the looks of that dog, she looked twice as healthy and ten times smarter than her master. Kinda said to my self if they are still there when I come back from breakfast im gonna give em a ride, after all Im going all the way to the end of the road. Help the guy out. AND I AINT GOT NO MUSIC...

Well, as all guessed, he was still there when I got back and I called him over...and asked how far he was going. Told me he was just going a hundred miles on up the express way and was thinking about visiting a friend in a little town called Sonora. Then he told me he and Loraine had been standing right there where I found them since about 4:00 the previous day, and would I mind if he went in and got  Lorraine something to eat. Yea, that was fine with me and so we go back in and he orders the dog a breakfast sandwich. I asked him when was the last time he ate and he told me yesterday morning. hell ,I'll buy you some breakfast and he looked a lil miffed and told he had money. How much I asked, and he said about a hundred bucks. How long does that have to last you I queried. He told me he was goin to Baton Rouge and there was a paint contractor that would hire him. So I bought him some breakfast and paid for sweet n lo's and we headed out.

I checked my map and sure enuff there was a small town of Sonora around 100 miles out, which made me feel better about Mac since he had his bearings and knew where he was going. Still felt he was a watt or two below 60, but he was a nice enuff guy, but I sure did like that dog. It took about an hour and a half to get to the Sonora exit, but there was absolutly nothing there. Mac thanked me for the ride and breakfast but he and Lorraine could manage from there. This place was farther out than the edge of nowhere, the exit was on a little rise and you could see 30 miles in every direction except for the way to Sonora which was over a little hill. WTF, Im in no hurry so I tell Mac that I would take him on in, thinking that the town was just over the hill. What was over the hill was a road sign saying Sonora was 28 miles. Like I said Im on vacation and was in no hurry so we headed to Sonora. After a few miles we came across a sign that said "PLEASE DO NOT PICK UP HITCHHIKERS, ESPECIALY WEARING ORANGE JUMPSUITES, YOU ARE APPROACHING STATE PRISON". Seems that the only thing in this burg was the prison, two bars, one restaraunt, the sherrifs office and two motels. It was six blocks long and there wasnt even a cross street. So I asked Mac where his friend lived and he said he didnt know. Seems like he had met this guy agt some kinda cult retreat five years ago, and when he left he gave Mac his name and that he lived in Sonora and iffn yous ever in tha area, stop on by and say hi. So Mac, whens the last time you talked to this guy, Mac sez never, but were in the neighbor hood. Yup, we were. So what do ya wanta do Mac. You can just drop me off here and we,ll ask around and see if we can find him. But, Mac, this dont look like a town that tolorates strangers, ya know with the prison and all. Thas O.K. Dave you can just drop us off. Well I was starting to worry about Mac and Lo ( did I tell ya, I really liked that dog ) and I said well lets see if I can help. Hell, by this time I was gettin a lil gamey and Lo was getting farther back in the car as she could, so I figgured that the two best places to ask were the bars and the sherriffs office. No body in ither bar had ever heard of this guy,i'll call him bob , so I drove down to the Sherriffs and told Mac I thought it best that I go in and check. Earlier I asked Mac if he had I.D., yea he said, he has an Illinois, Carter county, library card, and a L.A. county dog liscense for Lo.

So with just a small amount of trepidation I go in and a very nice, plumb, this being the only job she ever had, and was just a year or two from retirement, lady told me that yes she knew Bob but was not in the habit of giving out someones personal information. I thanked her but before I walked out the door she called me back. Lady sez, you know, I dont see how it can hurt really, but ol Bob had moved to Ohio three years previous. I thanked her and left. Well Mac allowed that he was sad that he missed his friend , but we tried.

So Mac want a ride to Baton Rouge? He actually turned around and asked LO if she wanted to ride with me to Baton Rouge and she wagged her tail and barked. We both took that as a yes and off we went.

I took a look at the map and since we were in no hurry decided to head down this road that Sonora was on that paralelled the express way and met up with it about 50 or 60 miles down the pike. This turned out to be one of my favorite legs of the trip. The last car this road had seen had to be a model-t, we stopped at every building from there to the freeway. All of em was falling apart and looking through the ruins found some old soda bottles and blue mason jars, some rusted junk meatal that had to come off some covered waggon and an old soda bottle that was broken and a cactus was growing inside. Gave this little gem to my Mom who is the grim reaper of all things green. she just put the bottle outside the back door here in Florida and it lived another four or five years. then one day she decided it would be better if she planted it. It was dead and shrivelled within two weeks. If it aint broken Mom, dont fix it.

This is a good place to stop because nothing out of the ordinary happened the rest of that day. We drove, we ate , we got to know each other. I did ask Mac what his last name was and he said he didnt remember, his parents called him Mac because when he was little all he would eat was Krafts Macaroni and Cheese. And one time he took a test to show some State what kind of Job he was best suited for. Turns out the only thing Mac should do was run large companies. When he told me this I looked into the back seat at Lo and she just gave a big sigh, laid down  and closed her eyes. Looked over and Mac had fallen off to. So I drove on into Texas, trying to make Ozona, Knew some folks there that my Dad and some of his friends leased thier ranch from to deer hunt for a few years. There was a great Restaraunt there that served a hell of a breakfast. Didnt make it that night . been drivin about thirty hours by then so I needed to sleep. Found a rest area, popped back the seat . then realized how cold it was, and I guess ol LO was cold too so she crawled up next to me. Did I mention how much I liked that  dog...

Tomarrow Ozona, and me doing unsolicited comedy for about fourty Texans with guns...

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE...You can try but the trials and tribulations of an overactive lifestyle that traversed more than 50 years is starting to take its toll, and a heavy toll it is.

I have just come to the realization that I cant do the things I have always done.Aint no big deal that i played sports, football, basketball, track and field in H.S. and College, and some after. No biggie that I shot scratch golf, or threw professional darts for 15 years. Yeah, professional darts, made over $250.000.00 on the circuit, was world class. But so what.

the simple fact is I cant do these things anymore, blew my knees a few years ago doing a 400 pound dead lift. I have diabetes, artheritis in both my shoulders and bursitis in one. my eyesight and hearing is going, and if you cant put on muscle you put on weight. Sedation promotes vegitation, sloth brings antrophy. there's not a man on this earth that I fear, I just cant catch them anymore.

Im still good enough to bring the big bucks at Sturgis and Daytona Bike Week, but it's more rep than skill now, and I think of the day some badass gets a knee and I go Down for the first time. I dont say this from fear, there is none, its just a damned fact.

And dont take this wrong, Im not looking for a pity party, and dont feel sorry for me because I've had experiences what most people cant even dream of or could do if they had the opportunity. I grew up a southern boy and was taught to not feel, show emotion, get sick or hurt, back down from no man, treat woman well ( if they deserved it) and be the best at anything you do. I may have lived hard but i have a conscience,I have my religion and I dont care what any one thinks about that.

So what is this then? It's a beginning... I have never shared my personal thoughts, feelings, or experiences with anyone. I read all the blogs that my friends put on here and no matter if its humorus, prophetic, silly or insane i realized that it is an honest outreach to another human being. Im not sure how well I can do this but im gonna try.

I WILL  RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE... I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY OR SOFTLY INTO THE DARKNESS...but if I dont entertain you, make you laugh, or experience some type of emotion then let me know and I will cease.... Im not sure where to start, and some may be long and take awhile to write while some may be one liners like "I DATED AND GAURDED MARYLIN CHAMBERS FOR THREE YEARS." Most of you wont even know who she is, maybe some of the guys will. If you dont know GOOGLE  her name, you will get a few hits...

So if you might have an intrest as to how an ol southern boy lived his life, look in on occasion, who knows you may get a laff or two...