10 Improved Restaurant Slogans

Old: We treat you right.
New: We treat you like a person who will exchange money for goods.

Old: Eatin' good in the neighborhood.
New: Eatin' food in a neighborhood.

Old: Subway. Eat Fresh.
New: Subway. Eat Subway.

Old: It's finger-lickin' good!
New: Our chicken is greasy, and you will lick your fingers like a hillbilly. Your mother raised you better than that, Allison.

Old: I'm lovin' it.
New: You're familiar with it.

Old: Come hungry, leave happy.
New: Come hungry, leave regretful, but still a little high.

Old: Have it your way.
New: Have it your way, if "your way" means us not putting lettuce on it and charging you the same, and great if that's adds some dignity and semblance of control to your sad little life.

Old: When you're here, you're family!
New: When you're here, you're with your family with whom you have little in common, which is why you came to the Olive Garden. Here's a beeper.

Old: Better ingredients, better pizza.
New:We have the ingredients with which we can make you a pizza.

Old: Pizza! Pizza!
New: Pizza. Pizza?