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Am so f in dumb it's F iN retarded YO!

1. I am a fat Vegan who lives in W.V where there are no people that do the vegan thing.

2. I  stay on a diffrent friends couch every night & if it a good day in my dad's basement.

3. I can't spell worth a Damn what so f in ever at all. (As you can tell.)

4. I droped out of School to take a greyhound bus to Austin TX to see an X. (Did not work out at all.)

5. am 26 fat, bald, broke, and slow in the head from all the years of getting trash like a retarded and have worked ever dead in job out there. (Yep i get trashed so much if i was a wrestler my theme song would be let get retarded in here!)

6. I used to think the piano brake down in layla was a different song. (an there are a lot more songs like that too me.)

7. I watch CNN and Fox news religiously to keep up on whats going down in the world. (USA today just doesn't cut it for me anymore.)

Now here comes the run down by the sh*t load.

8. Back in high school i would show up high with guitar in hand just about every damn day. Hell i did that so much that they put me in LD classes i still droped out. (You should of never held me back in the 3rd grade Mom and Dad.)

9.  I believe all religions transcend each other & that everything is connected to a infiniti source but am not religious. ( what i need to do is take my ass to church.)

10. I watch things like Alex Jones, Jerry Springer, WWE  & have seen every Chris Farley movie over 100 times an i love watching porn because i haven't got any ass in a long ass time!. ( An it never gets old.)

11. I don't Have a GF and the only chance nowadays I have of getting layed is by hiting up the Cougar bars at closing time or waiting outside a ladies prison or my friends hooking me up with a hooker. (Well at least they pay for it for me.)

12. My nickname is Bullfrog because no one ever knows what the hell am talking about but they love to drink my wine. (My friends gave me this nickname back in High School when where getting high together in my friends car on weekend when we where staying with some hippie chick that lived by me. Good Times)

13. Am a white trash male but am not really into Rap or country music & I  dont have any kids. (So it looks like i have things to work on my peepz.)

14.  I have poisoned myself for the buzz. (Damn near died a few times but thanks to the ER room am doing just fine now thank you very much.)

15. Burt my leg really bad in a fire pit on purpose once. (the next day i went out dancing and meet a chick in a wheel chair there and ended up dancing the night away with her Talk about your tons of fun.)

16. Most of the people i know are in jail an on drugs or they are dead (so whats that say about me a? But don't worry am not going to kill myself or bang anything up.)

17. The last time i got laid all the time Bush was in office. (Mybe i should vote Republican for now on.)

18. Am the master of half assing things. (Yep it's been the story of my life people.)

19. This one time a long time ago i ate pills i had found on the road side that where not opened that i found when doing community service for under aged drinking when i was 19 or 20. My friend i was doing community serivce with told me where dan dans. After Community service i had to go to work as a dish/bus boy. So i hooked a cook up that i worked with with some and the rest ended up geting wet when hooking him up, So when i went to pop one i drank them all at once. Then they kicked end at the end of the night when i was cleaning the place. i got sick as hell and my mom (who allso worked there) had to take me to the ER to get my stomach pump. i was black out for about 2 days. & its turns out the pills where not dan dans. They where Sezzers medications pills. I was fired from my job and to this day everyone still thinks i was trying to kill myself. So since then its been only beer and weed for me. Ture F*CKiNG Story.  (AN NOT KOOL)

20. i make up songs that suck really really bad all the time  that know one likes. (Shackajeffersonstreet and TheToylets on myspace if you want to hear some of it. Also i have a few just by myself on here.)

21. When geting drunk i always do beer before liquor so am always sicker. (i will never learn.)

22. I wake and bake every day all day. (thats why they call me Jake the bakers man. So if you have any good weed you want off your hands let a honkey know my brothers and sisters.)

23. i used to huff gas as a kid a lot. (i remember one of the last time i huffed my mom busted me and it made her cry seeing me huffing gas as a 13 year old or how ever old i was at the time. AN my dumbass brother was there laughing his ass off at me.)

24. i only have a GED that i got online. ( Mybe on day i'll go to college but it's not likely.)

25. i don't drive. (But i have passed drivers ED in high school and have had my permit on 3 or 4 diffrent times.)

26. Am a connick masterbater and then some.  (Am Jacking it right now as a matter of fact.)

27. i have gotting my thing stuck in my zipper more times than i can count today.  ( an i just did it agian when i was jacking it.)

28. i voted for Nader twice and this year am voting for Gary Johnson. (green party all the way.)

29. I love to sleep all day then wake up to do notting all day long besides beat off and watch t.v. (Master it.)

30. i have been playing the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes every day for the past 3 and a half years. (Am going to win damn it.)

31. i have blacked out meany of a time from drinkin my ass off.  (am in one right now.)

32.Been to jail a few times and by the looks of it am going back soon if i keep up my BS. (am on the run right now so don't tell know one.) 

33. Can't find a job. (at least a good one anyways.)

34. i love hairy women the hairy the better. (an if you smoke weed even better.)

35. Am on doing this crap on here right so i must be retarded. Am i right or am i right!? (everyday all day baby!)

#36 A falling in love with an 18 year old junkie striper. (A she is very sweet an nice girl and i feel bad for her but what in the hell is a guy like me doing with a chick like that you know? An yes am talking to her on the phone right now yo! BA DA DA DA am loving it!)

#37 Am about to start a job working a Gab's. (if that's not retarded i don't know what is.)

#38 My parents hate my ass and i have a feeling they will kill me one day soon. (So need to get my ass up out of this damn house for good.)

#39 Bum Fights are like my all time favorite movies. (An one day i'll be a bum in one of them movies if i keep it up.)

#40 Two stupid too think up of a #40. (beacuse am way yo drunk on 40oz right now bro!)

Bouns Round: that song "New Age Girl" i used to think they where singing Mary Moe when it's Really Mary Moon is the name in the song. i rock the sweetpants on most days. You can talk me into doing just about anything. i don't iM i CB.

 

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