5 Serial Killers Living Next Door on TV

“Don’t you look at my face! Don’t you dare look at my face!” That’s probably the last thing you hear before the guy in the funny hat kills you with a quality Binford power saw. Good fences make good neighbors, but they also might be hiding a sociopath across the way. The face thing is creepy enough, but Wilson’s omniscience is a serial killer red flag. Hey, Tim. Didn’t you ever wonder how he always knew just what to say? Almost like he’s been watching you through binoculars…waiting for just the right moment to strike? I always figured the last episode of “Home Improvement” would be a two-parter where Wilson kills the whole family then pins it on Al. I think it just turned out to be a five-episode arch about how nobody has been watching the show for 3 years.

Milhouse had a tough time growing up on Evergreen Terrace. His parents split up at an early age and the girl down the street wouldn’t pay him any attention. It’s these kinds of rocky childhood memories that lay the foundation for a mass murderer down the line. Milhouse seems lonely, so his downfall would likely be that he was into doing weird stuff to the corpses. Blue pubes are the number one way cartoon cops catch sex offenders. Just ask the convicted flasher from “Doug.”

There are two kinds of dudes who prop ladders up against your house and climb in through the window. One of them is there to rob you, and the other one is there to rape and kill you. He might stick around to steal a few things, but that’s not where his heart’s at. Either way, Sam Ladderman (editor’s note: his name on the show was certainly not Ladderman, but in retrospect maybe it should’ve been) would not be someone I’d feel comfortable sneaking in to my daughter’s room. Best case scenario: he makes off with my VHS player and Ferguson’s Super Nintendo. Worst case scenario: Clarissa explains it all to the sketch artist.