These are important and they are listed in a list for your convenience!

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December 07, 2011

1. Food Exists

Food is comprised of things that are edible and sometimes taste good. You put it in your mouth hole! But you should also be aware that it comes out the butt when you're done with it. Do not be alarmed, as this is normal.

2. Watch TV... Or Don't

TV can be a source of entertainment. It has shows with people making talky sounds out of their mouth holes all day and night. Cable TV costs money every month. Regular TV costs nothing, except you have to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on a TV. TVs are available at the TV store. You can watch TV on the internet if you have a computer, which is a TV with a keyboard. Also, don't watch TV, as it's bad for you.

3a. The Clitoris

Oop! You found it! Congratulations. If you're a man, tell all your friends you're great in bed. They'll believe you! If you're a woman, stay home and play with your own, because no man will ever please you in the way that you want him to. This does not apply to lesbians. If you're not a lesbian, you can check them out on the keyboard-TV, and even speak to them on a keyboard-TV camera, known as a webbed camera! Also, gay men exist.

3b. The Penis

Keep that thing to yourself, buster! Or share it as a picture in a text message. It's your choice.

4. The Internet

Make money the easy way! Buy and sell! As seen on non-keyboard-TV! But beware of scams and Spam. Scams are electronic mails that are from someone who you don't know, but who pretends to know you. As a precaution, delete all your electronic mails. Spam is a processed food (see #1 above). Limit your Spam intake if you have high sodium. Also, if someone sends you Spam as an electronic message, do not try to eat it.

5. Death

Many famous people are dead. You will also die one day. This does not mean you'll be famous. If you're lucky, you'll die peacefully and without incident. However, if you do die in an exceptionally spectacular and/or painful manner, you're likely to become famous. So really, death is win-win!