So i tryed to cheat on a test with an answering machine an i failed the test becasuse all it had on it where messages for my mom recorded on it.
You see if you use to do drugs but i still do drugs too. (A real Mutch Hedberg Joke there yo.)
I was at a baseball game and the ump look at me and said foul ball! So i said how do you know what my balls smell like anyways ump?
Once i took a girl for dinner and she said i wish you would take me eat out more jake. So i went under the table and ate her out her pussy.
i wanted to play that game lick it for ten game they show on that one show so i went to coner and gave a hooker 10 bucs. "i got to be the host and guest at the same time." 69!
i once told a guy his fly was down and he told me to zip my lips so i ziped
his fly up and my lips in his ziper.
They say you shouldn't stage dive at a show but i say why not, since people are 98% Water where only 2% away from a pool. (A real Mitch Joke.)
When i order fries can you call them irish fries if your from Ireland?
Who is Idaho's pimp anyways man?
The Stanley Cup is like Paris Hilton a new team of guys passes her around ever year but she never stays in one place.
Blind people you really have to hand it to them. Am i right or am i right?
So if white trash means that your garbage right? (right and that what she said and you just did about me.) So then when is it a good day to sit outside an wait to go back to the dump on?
Am not gay anything like that because am not happy with my life at all. An by the way i also have my own d*ck to play with. (But is it gay if you suck your own d*ck? The world might never know.)
So a guy told me you seem like a real cool dude my man and i said no man am f*cking hot as hell right now bro.
XXX movies + XXX liquor = Happy Ending.