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As even more polls will show, Americans are dumb. Why can't we just accept this?
Published August 25, 2010 More Info ยป
2,214 Funny Votes
647 Die Votes
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Published August 25, 2010

Last week, we collected the 9 stupidest things Americans believe. But it turns out we're even stupider than we thought. Here's 9 more.

Christianity First!

Half of Americans believe that Judaism did not come before Christianity. Understandable. It's not like there's the concept of "old testament" vs. "new testament" to clarify.

An Eddie Murphy Fright-Fest

Haunted houses are for Halloween, and are fictional. Yet 37% of Americans live in fear of them year round. Haunted Mansions, however, we believe in. We will always believe.

Who'd We Win Our Freedom From? Not England.

A Gallup poll shows that 1 in 4 Americans believe we won our independence from a country OTHER than Great Britain. Many people said France. Others said China. China! I'll let that sink in. China! Gonna repeat it a few times. China! Nothing against China(!), but China?(!)

(China)

Alien Abductions For All

Last week, we revealed that 80% of Americans believed in aliens. At some level it's understandable; if you asked someone "Do you think that in all of the galaxies, there could be other life forms?" there's a good chance someone would say "Sure, why not." But this is much different. 1 in 5 Americans believe that UFOs have abducted someone they know. That also means that 1 in 5 Americans have a friend who's a liar.

Long Live The King

Elvis still alive? 6% think so. There's nothing wrong with holding out hope that your idol has not died, but let's face facts: at this point, he'd actually be 75 years old. Not shockingly old, but given his tumultuous life and having lived off the grid for the last 30 years, he may not be in the best health. And by that, I mean "he died in 1977."

ESP

What am I thinking now? How about now? You're right. It was Chex Mix. You must be one of the 41% who believe in extrasensory perception. Either that, or you, too, love Chex Mix. If it's the latter, I'll assume that we're now best friends.

Glenn Beck: Most Admirable?

Yup, according to a Gallup poll, Americans believed Glenn Beck was the 4th most admirable man IN THE WORLD. In an unrelated study, most Americans ranked "crying on camera" as their favorite form of entertainment.

And Sarah Palin, Too

Yup. The very same poll ranked Palin as the the 2nd most admirable woman in the world. On a side note, Elin Nordegren Woods got just as many votes as Maya Angelou. A woman who's only famous because her husband cheated on her is just as admirable as Maya Angelou. Jeez, we might as well have won our freedom from China.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, Palin admired for some reason. Speaking of which...

Palin For Prez!

Palin 2012! No, that's not the slogan for the apocalypse (not officially at least), but 37 % believe she's qualified to lead our nation. New dictionaries for all!

Believe It's Butter

Just kidding. We're not that dumb. But I do like the idea of countless Americans refusing to believe it's not butter.

"I'm very confident that this is in fact butter."
-Americans
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