Did you ever play "Streets of Rage 2" for Sega Genesis? If the answer is yes, you are probably already well aware that it is the best game of all time. You should still read this list anyway to get your nostalgia flowing. Also, you have nothing better to do.
In a world that is mostly bullshit, it's nice to have a game with zero bullshit. All you're here to do is wail on people. You walk to the right and you wail. That is it. Is there a story? Sure. But you're too busy hammering on buttons to start the game to notice. If you die, you get to continue and if you run out of continues it's game over. If you keep moving to the right and you beat up everybody (without dying) then you win. You don't save your game, you just keep playing until you die or you come out victorious. The agony of defeat and the glory of victory are lessons that are swiftly imparted on anybody who plays. If only all things in life were so simple.
Lead Pipes Upside Your Head
In all of video games, the most satisfying feeling to date for me has been cracking someone upside their head (can you go upside any human body part other than head?) with a lead pipe in Streets of Rage 2. The sound effect is perfect and the amount of damage these things do on a life bar can be best described as appropriate. Also, this weapon really reflects the "streets" part of the game. In fact, let's broad number 2 to just weapons in general. Daggers! Switchblades! Samurai swords! These are some mean streets! Once you grow weary of wielding these weapons you can throw them at enemies. Just when you think hitting five guys in the face with a pipe can't get any better, you nail the sixth while he's riding a motorcycle across the room. It might be the closest any of us ever get to feeling truly alive.
Skate Was The Coolest
You guys remember the 90's? In case you don't, here's a quick summary: Everybody was on rollerblades all the time. It was the most effective way to get around. The brakes on the back were for idiots and real G's just turned really fast to slow their roll. Oh yeah, and Jurassic Park. That about sums up the decade. Skate is a character that could've only existed in the 90's: roaming the streets beating people up people while wearing his rollerblades. He wasn't the strongest by any stretch (an important trait in a game where your only goal is to smash faces in) but he more than made up for that with his ability to look cool. With a name like Skate, it's a good thing he was into rollerblades. He really lucked out with his hobby choice.
Turkeys Give You All The Health
Who decided that eating a giant turkey while fighting in a video game = health? Anybody who has tried to eat even a quarter of a turkey in a non-combat/real life situation can attest that it slows you down more than speeds you up. Also, if you've just been stabbed in the shoulder with a dagger I'm not sure 50 cc's of dark meat is what the doctor ordered. Still, there's something remarkably simple about the idea of eating a turkey to regenerate your health, and that goes back to reason number 1 this game is so great: no bullshit. There's no going to find some store where you buy health. There's no hiding in a corner like a baby to wait for your health to regenerate like modern games. Nope. You either found an apple on the ground to get a little health or you ate a giant turkey LIKE AN ADULT all by yourself to get all of the health. No sharing this with your teammate. You are a hungry fighter, and you need your turkey. Turkeys mean life or death on these streets.
Complex Button Combinations
This one is only for the hardcore SOR2 fans, so bare with me. Or feel free to skip to the next one. Or just throw your computer in a trash can. Nobody is making you read this, ya know. On first glance it would appear the game has three buttons. Two of them attack your opponent and one of them jumps. Pretty straightforward, right? WRONG. Each character has three different jump attacks! Pressing forward + forward + attack gives you a special attack! Holding down the attack button for a few seconds gives you another special attack! IT TOOK ME UNTIL I WAS 20 YEARS OLD TO FIGURE ALL OF THIS OUT AND I STARTED PLAYING THIS GAME WHEN I WAS FIVE. Either I am dumb (an option that's always on the table) or this is the best game ever with deep levels of complexity underneath its wonderfully simple control scheme. This means anybody can pick it up, but it takes you damn near two decades to perfect your fighting style. All this information is in the manual, but real winners don't have time for that garbage.
Hard Mode is Hard and Hardest is a Fucking Joke
This game was for kids (I think? I don't know, actually. It was violent as all hell but every kid I knew loved it.) but hard mode was for the grown ups. Hard mode was an exercise in...well, it was exercise. You sweat. Your heart rate accelerates. You might even bleed. Expect to throw your controller. If hard mode is for the adults, hardest mode is for the aliens. I don't know a being on earth that can casually play this game on hardest and win. Just to see the final stage, you need to make zero mistakes and even then you need a whole lot of luck. Some people might say this is a bad thing, but they are dumb. They are dumb people. Why do you even talk to those people, anyway? Hardest mode SHOULD BE THE HARDEST! That's why it is called hardest. Again, no bullshit with this game. The icing on the cake? If you do beat the game on the hardest difficulty setting, you unlock a mode called mania where the programmers basically show up to your house to gang rape you and your family with lead pipes. Sure, the premise and gameplay is simple but it's a game that will challenge you for the rest of your life. And it's fun, too! Hey, video games that are made nearly 20 years later...WHY ARE YOU NOT AS GOOD AS THIS?
Added about 2 years ago
1550 funny votes
152 die votes
Description: Did you ever play "Streets of Rage 2" for Sega Genesis? If the answer is yes, you are probably already well aware that it is the best game of all time. You should still read this list anyway to get your nostalgia flowing. Also, you have nothing better to do.
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
- Totally agree streets need a re-vamp for the new gen consoles and it needs it NOW!
- It has been re-released on XBLA and part of the Sega Ultimate Gaming Collection on 360 and PS3, still great as always. I got this game as a kid for christmas and played it forever. RIP genesis
- best game ever. best article ever. though i would've expected some comments about blaze. tween fantasy.
- best soundtrack ever. this game is better then head
- This brings back memories.Dont forget the part at the end the big boss would ask you to join him and if you said yes it would throw you back a few levels.
- You forgot to mention the techno soundtrack. My little nephew still play this game.
- side scrolling fighters are the best thing in the world. period.
- 'If you do beat the game on the hardest difficulty setting, you unlock a mode called mania where the programmers basically show up to your house to gang rape you and your family with lead pipes.'
- it had death match too,epic game
- ohhhh the many days and nights spent furiously working the sega controller loving this game... ahh.. the smell of a teen w/out a life and not caring! garsh i miss that game! i'll have to find it on xbox 360.. hell yeah, now to get a version for m' kinect? just pure insane heaven...
- "You walk to the right and you wail. That is it." - Couldn't have said it better myself. Best Game Ever.
- The soundtrack, the fighting, the A+B super combo buttons, the fact that the last guy just has a fucking machine gun and shoots you in the face. The creepy gang member that just walks slowly across the screen towards you with a knife and somehow stabs you with it. THE MOST FUN GAME EVER
- On the same level with everything you wrote. In fact I think we are the same person. Learned how to use the combo attacks at age twenty as well, played it since I was five. Hot damn.
- Back when games were simple, none of this stupid wandering around and shooting...
- yeah the soundtrack to this game was crazy, i even have the album.
- Awesome Article. To date it is the only game in my SEGA and my neighbor and myself try and beat Mania every time we have College Break. You are not dumb as it took us until we were 18 to prefect the controls and different attacks as well haha.
- also, best soundtrack and my ringtone
- No bullshit is the best description of this game I have ever heard. The end music is perhaps the most beautifully triumphant end music I have ever heard. I will now stab my ears so I can't hear anything else to ruin this feeling.
- lol1 i still play this game plus its sequels on my ps3 in Sonic' ultimate genesis collection. the game is still just plain. nothing like bashing people upside the heed with a lead pipe. my fav weapon in the whole game.
- wow. lollll this article made me laugh loud.
- I agree
- This game was my shit! Definitley one of the best soundtracks to any game ever!
- I would play this game nonstop as a kid. It took me 2 years to finally beat it.