We all know that gays cause hurricanes and tsunamis. But did you know they're also responsible for other smaller catastrophes?

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Stats & Data

March 26, 2013

My name is L. Scott Ferguson. I am a fundamentalist Christian reaching out to the young readers here at Funny or Die. I want to raise your awareness about an issue that affects us all in this great country of ours: smaller American catastrophes gays are responsible for. Now, I'm sure you're aware that God has seen the transgression of the gays, and has wreaked his punishment with terrible catastrophes such as Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Sandy, and Disney World. But are you also aware that the homosexual is also responsible for other smaller, though no less alarming, American catastrophes? Here are some of them:



High Rents

Over the last 40 years, homosexuals moved into run-down neighborhoods in our American cities. Using their homosexual good taste, they beautified these neighborhoods with their evil crown molding, their paint scheme trickery, and their shameful landscaping. God punished us all... with high rents. Curse the homosexual! Now, no one can afford a one-bedroom in the East Village!

NY Slum bldg         



pre-gent east village






Heterosexual Women Being More Attracted to Gay Men

Once, good Christian men were able to find mates with no effort. We could be fat and boring, and still get women. Then, the homosexual came along with his well-developed physique, conversational skills, great style, and the ability to shake it. Because the homosexual is more fun to be around, women flock to him, even though he has no desire to procreate with them. As a result, God punished good heterosexual men with no game by making it impossible for them attract women! Curse the homosexual. Now we all have to go on e-Harmony!

sad single guy        

Good boring heterosexual                                         


tom ford

Fabulous gay man

The Destruction of The American Auto Industry

In 1994, Toyota introduced the RAV4 sport utility vehicle. The RAV4 was an immediate hit, especially with women of the “lesbian” persuasion, who, according to our statistics, purchased 20% of these cursed foreign vehicles. God punished us by decimating the American auto industry, resulting in a socialism-style bailout. Curse the lesbians, and thei need to buy foreign SUVs to for camping trips and antiquing expedition. Buy a gas-hog Chevy Alice, or get out of this country!


Toyota RAV4 lesbian utility vehicle                        


closed auto plant

The catastrophic result


1970s NBA Uniforms

During the early 1970s, homosexuals started wearing “short shorts”. God cursed us by introducing these vile devices to the NBA. Now, every time I watch ESPN Classic, I have to see Walt Frazier’s balls!

man in short shorts     

Homosexual short shorts            



1970s NBA shorts (Not Safe For Good Christians)


Unused Gym Memberships

Homosexuals are notorious for keeping themselves in good shape, frequenting gyms in their evil plot to look good so they can have more wrongful sex. Good heterosexuals saw how well this worked, and started going to the gym, but were intimidated by the homosexual’s ability to do more squats, leg presses, and bicep curls. As a result, heterosexuals were scared away from fitness centers. God punished us with unused gym memberships that are automatically charged to our Visa cards. Since good heterosexual Christians are too guilty and lazy to cancel their memberships, our country is now economically crippled. Curse the homosexual!  

gay guy in good shape

Gay man in great shape (no homo)



A good heterosexual man broke from not using his gym membership