The lawn is an unquestionably desirable spot to unwind after a long night. But despite the benefits of comfort and proximity, you'll never know if it'll rain overnight. You also run the risk of a strung-out townie digging into your pockets and using your dad's money as wet wipes. Introducing...The Recoup-Coop. With the Recoup-Coop, you absorb the same, sweet experience of passing out on the lawn while nullifying the associated bummers. You may ask, "Do I still have to get all the way up to go to the fridge to get a morning beer?" The answer is, "Stop asking stupid questions." We've installed a hamster-like water bottle that can be filled with any liquid you crave, allowing you to recover -- or recoup -- in the easiest way possible! Price: $139.99
The fraternity basement is the fabled home of many fun and games: dancing, kegs and dancing on kegs. But mainly some sloppy ole' sex. It's also the home of the dreaded "frat sludge," a potpourri of nasty. We'll just assume you already know what it consists of. (*cough* pee *cough* lubricants *cough* Schlitz) However, you don't have to let the party poop be a party-pooper. Introducing SludgeGuard -- the only way to keep your heels dry and your boat shoes sparkly and brown. Choose from one of our many options of pastels. Price: $14.99
You may not speak softly, but you can sure as hell carry a big stick! While you're at it, you might as well show some GDI's who runs campus. (That's "God Damn Independents" for all you GDI's out there) Instructions: 1. Observe GDI walk into (or near) your fraternity house. 2. Shout in his general direction. 3. Reach for the stick. 4. Grab the stick. 5. Beat said GDI mercilessly. $49.99
The Dip and Drive
Keep your eyes on the road, your hands on the wheel and your dip spit off your khakis!