The Amount of Flavor in a Light Beer is in Direct Proportion to One's Masculinity
If we're really going to be playing this game, shouldn't the fact that it's a squabble over light beer disqualify all of the bros sitting around the table? But more importantly, in what world does a group of friends go out for a good time, only to have every one of them, but one, order the same light beer? And then, when they all realize that there's an odd man out, who ordered a different light beer, has anyone ever emasculated him for this act? "Whoaaaa 'Generic Light Beer'? I guess we didn't realize you were such a pussy. Now if you'll excuse us, we have to get back to being real men who drink Miller Lite."
Movie Trailers Using Tweets from People Who Are Not Film Critics
This is a new trend, often used by movies that do not have any good reviews. Let's use the TV spot for "That's My Boy" as an example.
Look, I'm not going to use this space for a treatise on Adam Sandler's oeuvre; I'll leave that to rest of the internet. But it's clear the marketing team behind the film had not found any quotes from reviewers that went beyond lines like "Another Adam Sandler movie," so they took to Twitter to find some enthused fans. Here's what they found:
bcampos1! I get all my reviews from bcampos1! Doesn't everyone? We all know that David Denby and bcampos1 are the only real game in town, so it's actually kind of surprising that they made the Twitter handle so small.
Nothing against Mr. B Campos, the first; I'm sure he's got great taste in movies. But to the casual viewer who's not sitting around taking screengrabs of the "That's My Boy" trailer, the marketing team behind this spot has elevated him to the status of Roger Ebert, who by the way has an excellent Twitter account, yet is surprisingly not featured in this trailer.
Women Have Big Yogurt Parties
Fact: In the real world, people (men or women) eat yogurt in shame. It's not a food anyone's particularly proud to eat -- something you've convinced yourself you should eat for lunch because you're "on a health kick." Or it's the last thing in your fridge and you can't bring yourself to have a lunch consisting of old baby carrots.
But in commercials, yogurt is a treat women look forward to. They eat it with their friends, donning robes and relaxing and bonding over the emotions that the yogurt brings out in them. "It reminds me of a first kiss," they'll say because that's something that normal women always say when eating yogurt. They even get together at weddings (pretty standard wedding meal) to indulge in it.
Guys, just let these gal pals do their thing. You'll never understand. Hell, look at this idiot man trying to find something to eat in his wife's fridge.
Big mistake, buddy, this is a lady fridge now. Your wife needs to keep her kitchen stocked with so much yogurt that she can have a yogurt party with all her yogurt sisters! They're going to share so many yogurt secrets!
Wives Are The Worst!
Ugh, with all their Yogurt Parties and generic light beer, WOMEN. ARE. THE. WORST. Am I right, guys in commercials?
Hahaha LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL SEXISM! Nailed it! Oh man I can't believe that guy's wife! What an accurate representation of the husband-wife dynamic. I bet she even tried to get his opinion on drapes or something! Go drink a non-Miller Lite, lady, and let the men do the TV watching! Your feelings do not matter because men can't feel feelings!
Making "Real" People Look Like Idiots With Hidden Cameras
Pranks! You got these people good! I think the best part of the prank is when these people had a night planned in which they were going to feast on an authentic Italian meal but instead got old, microwaved pasta from Pizza Hut. In your face, innocent patrons.
Though to be fair, if these people are in fact real and are in fact duped, they're just as much at fault. If they're not capable of discerning between Pizza Hut and actual food, they do not deserve to eat. Regardless, these commercials have been around since the advent of instant coffee and they need to end.
- The one they missed from the light beer commercials is the idea that beer is a scarce commodity, almost impossible to find, and when you come across one, you freak out and then hide it somewhere.
- and babies.... what the fuck is with the fucking talking babies? Or the viagra commercial with the tag line like "for men who know stuff". Really? Like the guy that doesn't know that putting ice cold water in an over heated radiator will crack the block, kind of stuff? Or the dip-shit that has to harness his thoroughbred to his pick-up in order to pull his pick-up out of a mud puddle instead of just driving around the mud puddle in the first place, kind of stuff?
- 6. Ice Cube
- And kids being very stupid that they cant find Pizza Rolls in the freezer. Then they leave the phone in said freezer.
- But wives really are the worst.
- I can't stand any commercials but the yougurt commercial is beyond stupid, who has a blast eating yogurt with their friends?
- That yogurt problem cannot be understated. At this point we have Jamie Lee Curtis hosting yogurt forums and they don't even talk about the flavor anymore. It's just "this crap makes you crap better."
- I've been out of the States off and on for the last 7 years, and have noticed a trend really starting to blossom. To keep in clean, I'll label it the trend of using "wussy music" more and more as background noise in commercials. Whether it be some green, eco-friendly car or the latest metrosexual McDonalds ad, iit seems more and more commercials are moving to it. Wussy music consists of light, campy guitars, irregular female vocals, occasional clapping and frolicking, la-la-la drivel that makes you want to lay down and take another Ritalin or climb up a clock tower with a high-powered rifle. It tells me that focus and test groups that ad agencies use have been responding more and more favorably to it, which means that our entire culture is being wussified. Anyone else noticed this? If not, keep your eye open the next time you watch TV, and you'll see what I mean. I welcome someone better trained in music to define what wussy music is.
- What about the commercials aimed at women where the main-character in the commercial is a know-it-all, self-empowered woman (not that it's a bad thing), and her husband is a bumbling buffoon who can't seem to even do the simplest of tasks?
- I can't wait to get a couple of girls around and serve them up some of my own yoghurt.
- Ugly guys with attractive wives, only women use cleaning products, and using dated internet memes
- Thankyou for pointing out the fake tweets versus actual movie reviews. 'Holy *$)$# this is the funniest movie evar!!!!" is now the standard comedy movie review, it seems
- The solution to all this, of course, is to kill your TV, kill it now. It's real easy. That plug on the end of the cord, pull it out of the wall socket. That's it, dead TV. Now, do something, anything at all, that doesn't require a commercial to motivate you. There, wasn't that easy.
- Another one, girls/ women having "that time of the month"... Having such a good time! Having the time of their lives, skipping, giggling,driving the convertable hands in the air, celebrating that time of the month together! Wtf