We've all had a hunch that Ryan Gosling is actually just an interstellar sex viking on the prowl for human concubines, but here are 5 shirtless pictures of him that settle it once and for all! LADIES BEWARE: fainting may occur!

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April 25, 2014



O.M.G. Not only is this picture absolutley jawdropping, but the helmet in the background is clearly of Zørgian origin. Since a Sex Viking's skillset is typically only comprised of seducing human women, interstellar space travel can be a treacherous journey for them. Luckily, Zørgs are an adroit species, and their safety craftsmanship is known far and wide throughout the Drocco Empire.



Hubba hubba! I'll take two tickets to the gun show please! But seriously... that light in the background is clearly a sentient sex orb. Using erotic transference, a sentient sex orb transmits intimate desires that the concubine may posses to the conciousness of the Sex-Viking, resulting in the highest form of sexual ecstasy.



Um ladies, who doesn't wish they were Emma Stone right about now? Amiright?! It is not unusual for a Sex Viking to give great attention to his concubines; looking at them intently, studying every inch of their body. Nothing less will satisfy him. Not to mention, the decorative gourd seen in the background is actually a Zørgian urn used for storing/transporting human ovaries.



If you think Ryan's body looks "out of this world" here, then you'd be right! While his body may seem extremely muscular and sexy, a build of this type is actually quite commonplace on the interstellar dust cloud behind the sun known as Zørg. Ladies, I think I know where I'm planning my next vacation!



Rub a dub dub! Hottie in the tub!! :P It is not unusual for a Sex Viking to bathe his concubine after coitus. Not only to wash away the dirt and grime of their erotic, intimate dance, but also to revive the concubine, who is often lost in a state of out of body pleasure. This is known to the Zørgs as "Astral Sex." It is also interesting to note that if a concubine fails to please her Viking, she is given only a bar of soap and a bowl of warm water to cleanse herself.