All of the items below are available to order in "2012: The Catalog"

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January 13, 2011

We Were Warned

1. The Forever Lazy

What is it? A headless furry costume masquerading as a 'wearable blanket.'
Does it look comfortable? Yes.
Are we doomed? You bet. Apparently we cannot handle wearing clothes and using a blanket at the same time. Nor can we accept the fact that just because we're wearing children's pajamas doesn't mean we have to suffer through the act of shitting our pants.

2. Dog Snuggie

What is it? A Snuggie for dogs.
Does it look comfortable? I do not know. I am not a dog. But considering that it's meant for dogs, and dogs will likely run the world after we all die, it better be.
Are we doomed? You tell me:

3. Pajama Jeans

What are they? Jeans. But not jeans. They're pajamas. That for some reason are meant to dupe people into thinking you're wearing jeans. But you're not. Since they're pajamas.
Do they look comfortable? Of course. And they'll match your straight-jacket.
Are we doomed? Jeans are something society already views as casual. Many "real people" offices have "jeans day." A day where all the real adults get a break from their fancy suits. If we continue on this pace, it's just a matter of time until pajama jeans are the norm at these offices and Friday will be "take your dick out day."

4. The Cloth Mealtime Protector

What is it? A bib.
Does it look comfortable? Irrelevant. By wearing this, you've announced to the world that you give up. People who give up do not get to decide is something feels good. You get to drip your coffee all over yourself, consequence free. That's the deal.
Are we doomed? Yes, and judging by this woman, we're apparently all getting lobotomies along the way.


5. Whatever the F--k This Is

What is it? No clue.
Does it look comfortable? Sure, why not.
Are we doomed? Take a look. But not too close. The man predicting the apocalypse needs his privacy. For all his world ruining. And public porn viewing.

(pic via HuffPost Comedy)

6. Snazzy Napper

What is it? A burka.
Does it look comfortable? Probably. As far as sleeping-aids that seemingly mock Muslim garb go.
Are we doomed? More than ever.

And as a bonus, here's the "Better Marriage Blanket"

What is it? A fart blanket
Does it look comfortable? For farts!
Are we doomed? Yes. But only because this was likely the conversation that led to its invention:

Flustered Exec: I'm sorry I'm late. The wife was dutch-ovening up a storm last night. And it's like my blanket just fanned the fire...Anyway, what's on the docket for today?
CEO: Get me the apocalypse on the phone. We've got an infomercial to make!

That's It

Bye Forever!!!!!!!!!