Weirdest news of the week ... with punchlines.

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November 02, 2013

My Eyes Are Up Here!

A new study has found that women, like men, focus more on a woman's breasts than her face when evaluating her appearance. Researchers called the results "kinda hot."

What's the Difference Between a Competitive Eater and a Dude Who's Just a Pig?

Competitive eating champion Joey Chestnut set a new world record by eating 121 Twinkies in 6 minutes. Experts estimate that if Chestnut died tomorrow his body would not decompose until 2147.

And Now a Word From ...

ThighMaster spokeswoman Suzanne Somers wrote an article for the Wall Street Journal criticizing the Affordable Care Act, calling it a Ponzi Scheme. The government has vowed not to make any changes to the Act until they also hear from Vince the ShamWow guy.

The Dog Did It!

Fire officials in Washington state blamed a dog for starting an apartment fire by accidentally turning on a stove with its paw while reaching for a treat. When reached for comment the dog said, "Sure, because it isn't enough to blame us forĀ every fart ever."

The Bride Wore Stilts

The world's tallest man, 8-ft 3-inch Sultan Kosen of Turkey, got married. Sultan's bride said that his record height and world-wide fame don't matter to her, what really matters is his size 28 feet.