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Hollywood has a way of taking serious issues, packaging them in a cute story, and selling it to the masses. And there's nothing wrong with that. We eat it up. But be careful, most of the topics below are far more severe and dangerous than movies make them appear. And we all must be ready to face them.
Published March 22, 2011 More Info »

Ripping People's Heads off Their Bodies

rambo.jpgBasically, we're talking about violence in movies here - something that's been well-documented and talked about since the first time we all saw Bloodsport, watched Jean Claude Van Damme knock someone's bone through their skin, and didn't flinch.

Luckily we've been told so many times that we've been desensitized to onscreen violence, we all know that if/when we end up in a foreign, martial arts ring, a world of pain is coming our way. However, the rest of the items on this list are not as widely-acknowledged, and thus deserve our attention. (Yes, I realize the photo is from Rambo: The Later Years and not Bloodsport. Deal with it.)

Selling Our Bodies for Money

PRETTY.jpgHate to break it to you, but prostitution is not nearly as glamorous as tinsel town makes it out to be. Millions of prostitutes die each year due to the inhumane conditions they live in.* Yet movies have taught us that underneath the make-up and poor life decisions, there's a beauty with a heart of gold. Pretty Woman, Milk Money, Precious - the list goes on and on. But the sad truth is that most prostitutes are dead inside and filled with diseases that science isn't even aware of. That's why we don't kiss them on the mouth.

 *A fact not backed up by actual facts.

Defying Space and Time

mcfly.jpgTime Travel: We've seen it a million times, in a million different movies. It's gotten to the point where if I ever came across my future self, I probably wouldn't be fazed. I'd probably be like "Yeah. Where's the sports almanac because we have a date with the ponies. Bring your self-lacing sneaks." And that's a terrible terrible thing. The reason why films like Timecop are so great is because the characters buy into the fact that Jean Claude Van Damme is sliding through wormholes and dimensions. If that happened in reality, we'd calmly be all "Weren't you in Bloodsport? That's what I thought. Now… would you like to watch Bloodsport?"

The Eventual Enslavement of the Human Race by Robots

skynet.jpgEvery day we get increasingly dependent on machines and technology, essentially playing right into the hands of Skynet. But the idea of cyborgs running amok doesn't seem so intimidating to most of us. Not when our idea of robots are R2D2, Johnny Five, and that cyborg that played Renee Zellweger in New in Town:


If anything movies have depicted our future overlords as kind, even bumbling, companions. But just wait, Judgment Day will be upon us. And something tells our rulers will not resemble Bridget Jones.

Inter-Galactic Warfare

welcome.jpg"Listen, I've seen Independence Day like eight times, so needless to say, I'm pretty well-versed in how to take down an alien spaceship."
 -A guy getting ready to say "Welcome to Earth"

 Movies have taught us that whenever aliens attack, they have a fatal flaw. Whether it's a forcefield that can be brought down with Jeff Goldblum's Apple Macintosh or a soft spot for Aaron Eckhart's chin, we've been given the impression that within two hours, we can overcome a superior species. Somehow I don't think it's all a walk in the park. Something tells me that if the aliens come to kill us all and soak up our natural resources, it'll take more than a rousing speech by Bill Pullman to take these suckers down. Though it wouldn't hurt. 
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