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Grab your headphones. Turn it up. And pray your boss doesn't walk by.
Published April 06, 2011 More Info »



You may want to grab your blindfolds, too, depending on where you work. Unless you work at an ass-shaking factory. Then it's just research. 

Oh, and keep in mind that this is written by someone who has no real knowledge of hip hop and its lingo. I'm the white guy black comedians are talking about.  

7. Wreckx-N-Effect - "Rump Shaker"

Let's start with this gem from the 90s:



Alright, by our standards this isn't much. But you have to take into consideration of when it was shot. This was what, 1993? Sure, I could look that up to further cement my argument, but my point is this: it's pretty much the Citizen Kane of NSFW hip hop videos. Directors of rap videos didn't just happen to start placing the camera in front of a girl's ass by accident. Don't be stupid. They learned it from Wreckx-N-Effect, who INVENTED IT. We should all be grateful.

6. Lady - "Yankin"



I'm not gonna pretend to know what "Yankin" means. I have a feeling it has something to do with angry vaginas, but I'm not sure. It could have something to do with Don Mattingly. However, I do know what a delicious dinner looks like: Fire Cheetos and blue drink. I also know what good, but on the cheap, production value looks like. 

Here's a list of the props used: 
  • Dice-shaped ottomans 
  • Serving tray
  • Pile of money for serving tray 
  • Cheetos
  • Blue drink 
  • Oscillating Fan 
  • Costumes Nothing

5. Hammer - "Pumps and a Bump"



True story behind this song: Hammer was like "I've shot a video of myself having a boner. If we could write a song to use as a soundtrack, that would be awesome." I've never longed for his baggy pants more than when watching this video.

4. Artist Unknown - "Turd Cutter"



This is just a very good rap song, performed by a guy who is clearly in good spirits. Understandable. I'm always having a good day when all my turd cutting ladies show up for my video and shake their turd cutters. "Shake Your Turd Cutter," I announce upon their arrival. And then, turd cutters are shaken. Also, turd cutter is a very cool scientific term said by doctors that definitely work in real hospitals.

3. Khia - "My Neck My Back"



Again, this is just a good song. I'm gonna put this one as track four on my mixtape. It'll be the cleanup track. Oh, speaking of cleaning up, this song is about licking vaginas and buttcracks. I don't know if you caught the lyrics or if you were distracted by the title, which seems to imply this is something Khia is telling her chiropractor. Also, this is a very positive message for women to sing when they want to feel empowered. Nothing puts men in their place by ordering them to lick people's buttcracks.

2. 50 Cent - "Disco Inferno"



Quite frankly this just seems like a rip off of "Turd Cutters."

1. Riskay - "Smell Yo Dick"



There's nothing to mock in this video. If anything, it's a perfectly normal reenactment of one female arteeest's desire to smell her boyfriend's penis in what's clearly a foolproof plan to catch him cheating. That's something we as a society should be attuned to and not judge. That said, if for some reason you'd like to judge, away we go! Also, cool Snickers jacket.

So why does this deserve to be number one? If your boss happened to be walking by, explaining close-ups of butts seems far more feasible than explaining why he heard woman demanding to "smell yo dick."

That's it! Sorry you just got fired!
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