American Oktoberfest! Beer, food and debauchery! Don’t let not knowing where to throw up ruin your good time. Take this handy guide to your local, authentic-ish Oktober festival so you can easily pick a place to upchuck your bratwurst, steckerlfisch, and schweinebraten!

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October 02, 2012

Beer Wench Cleavage


The nearest toilet may be hundreds of feet away, but at your local Oktoberfest, beer wench cleavage is around every corner.

*Do not make eye contact with the beer wench before you puke in her boobs. She’s a professional, and knows a pre-vomit face when she sees one.

Your Empty Beer Stein


It’s handy, quick, and the chances are good whatever comes back up your digestive system will fit neatly inside.

Abandoned Pants


When guys get tanked on gallons of beer, chances are good their pants are coming off for no reason. Find the nearest abandoned pair and puke your guts out.

Off The Ferris Wheel


Everyone one else will be throwing up over their safety bars, so you might as well.

The Oktoberfest Sign


What better way to warn people of the vomiting fun coming their way than throwing up all over the sign all the sober people see?

Down Your Own Lederhosen


If you’re trying to impress a girl, or just say sentences that make sense, it just makes sense to get rid of whatever is giving you motion sickness by sticking your fingers down your throat and forcing a throw up right into your weird, German shorts.

Better Than Ezra


They’ll be playing there, so why not? If you can, wait to upchuck during a new song. Don't do it during "Good." You'll ruin the whole reason people walked over from the biergarten in the first place.

Someone's Wine Glass


What the fuck is someone doing with wine at Oktoberfest? Even if you don’t have to throw up, knock this out of their hands for being an idiot.

A Tuba


Or anything that looks like a tuba. There will be so many Bavarian-style bands, with tons of brass instrutments. Tubas are the easiest because of their wide openings but in a pinch, you can make spewing chunks into a fluegal horn work too.

Worst Place to Throw Up


The real Oktoberfest in Germany. 'Cause you'll look like a tourist.