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April 21, 2011

It goes without saying that Dave Grohl is pretty awesome sauce. Besides that sweaty, pelvic thrusting saxophone player from 'The Lost Boys', he's easily my favourite musician.

He once backpacked across Europe with only a fannypack. He's played with some of the greatest bands in music, such as Paul McCartney, Nirvana, Tenacious D, Nine Inch Nails, Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, The Prodigy, Them Crooked Vultures and, erm...Probot.

He has never once been compared to Mr. Ed, despite the monolithic size of his teeth. He even has a goddamned street named after him.

The Foo Fighters' early film clips were among the most amusing I've ever seen, and the most amusingly named man in music, Pat (Pap) Smear, is an on and off member of the group. 

Dave Grohl is gnarliness personified, and although I'm totally straight (Totally, definitely straight, despite what my wife may say.), if he asked, I would gladly bend over and take one from him for the team. He's just that awesome.

In honour of May being 'Dave Grohl appreciation month', I've compiled this list that helps to illustrate just why this musical powerhouse is totally tits.

1. He learnt to play drums using pillows.

That's right, the drumming machine that is Grohl learnt to play as a sproglet by whacking pillows around the house because a drum kit would've been too noisy. That's like Hendrix learning to literally disintegrate all panties in an eight mile radius with his frenetic guitar shredding by starting off with a coconut ukulele.  While you were busy biting your pillows, Dave Grohl was using them to rock the fuck out.

Pillows - The instrument of choice for cash strapped rockers.This analogy gives me the excuse to just buy pillows for my daughter instead of the drum kit she asked for.

2. This.

That is all.

3. He once got charged for drink driving... On a moped.

After the Gold Coast Big Day Out, an inaugural Australian series of concerts, in 2000, Grohl decided to sink a few brews and go for a cruise. Totally inebriated, he was pulled up by Australian police tearing down the main strip of Queensland's Gold Coast, weaving in and out of traffic on a fire-engine red moped, probably wearing a dildo-helmet and screaming "I'm Dave motherfucking Grohl, bitches!" at all and sundry. That's what I'd do.  He intentionally drove up to the breath testing van and tried to use his "I'm a rock star, therefore common law doesn't apply to me" excuse. Unfortunately, he was arrested, taken back to the station, had his driving privileges suspended for three months, and was more than likely sodomised.
Years later, during another Big Day Out, Dave Grohl appeared on stage riding a moped, swigging a can of beer as he tore careless laps around whatever numbfuck band was playing at the time, effectively giving the middle finger to Australian law. The man just doesn't give two fucks, and I applaud him for it.

4. He's not Kris Novoselic

Enough said. His former band mate has dabbled in politics and not done much else. Also, he's now practically bald, looks like a bag of mashed up assholes thrown into a bathtub full of sausages, and resembles what you'd get if you genetically spliced a paedophile science teacher with Jabba's sidekick, Salacious Crumb. However, he was in Nirvana, which negates much of that.  Dave Grohl, on the other hand, makes looking awesome effortless.

Kris Novoselic or Salacious Crumb? Can YOU tell the difference?

5. He once denounced any link between AIDS and HIV.

 The Foo Fighters were major high-profile supporters of 'Alive & Well', an organisation that denied any link between HIV and AIDS and stipulates that medication used to counter the effects of AIDS were ineffectual. They played benefit concerts and appeared in a documentary created by the organisation that posited that it was actually AIDS medication that made sufferers ill and finally killed them, not AIDS itself.

Despite running contrary to EVERYTHING we've ever known about HIV and AIDs, the Foo's were HIV-Positive that the theories that  'Alive & Well' stated were viable enough for them to advocate.

It's a bitter irony that the creator of the group, Christine Maggiore, first lost her daughter due to the HIV that she'd passed to her because of her refusal to take her meds, and then eventually died herself from AIDS related complications. But AIDS doesn't kill people, no, of course not. Where's your proof?

Wait, what? Actually, strike this oversight from Grohl's list of awesomeness. The rest still stand.

Foo Fighters' new album 'Wasting Light' is in stores now.

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