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There will be times in life when you need a boner but just can't get a boner. Sure, you could buy Viagra, but you were raised to believe there are no shortcuts in life. Here are ten ways to fake it.
Published May 29, 2013 More Info »
171 Funny Votes
493 Die Votes
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Published May 29, 2013

Pleated Pants

A low cost option, assuming you don't own pants like this anymore. They'll do that bunching thing from any angle.

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Use Your Thumb

This could mean a variety of things.

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Use a Tiny Crainlift

Something like this.

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Find a Magician Who is Able to Levitate Your Penis

This guy seems useful. Keep him around for other stuff, too.

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Buy a Pinocchio Doll, Cut Off the Head and Shove It Down Your Pants

Ya know, cause he lied about stuff and his nose got long - I'm gonna spell this out - could double as your peepee.

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CGB (Computer Generated Boner)

This can get quite expensive.

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Balloon Boner

Find a clown to make a boner out of balloons and put those down your pants.
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A Complex System of Magnets, Pullies and Mirrors

You may have to magnetize the tip of your penis.

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Find a Friend Who CAN Get a Boner...

And have them dress just like you (AND CONFUSE OTHER PEOPLE INTO THINKING THIS IS YOU IS WHAT I MEAN)

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Hang Upside Down

Jungle gyms are like Starbucks these days, i.e. EVERYWHERE!

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Swap In A Hot Dog When Your Girlfriend Isn't Looking

At least it's in the "ball park" of being a boner. Get it?!

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Prop Your Dick Up On A Table

No table at home? There's gotta be a table at work at least!

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Sit At A Desk And Tell Everyone You Know About Your Boners

People like confidence when it comes to boners and assume if you have such confidence, you're more likely than not to actually have that boner.

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Distract Someone From Your Non-Existent Boner By Giving Them A Parking Ticket

You'll be so aroused by the trickery and deception that you'll be fully erect in seconds.

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Wear A Strap On.

Easy. You can imagine what this looks like without my uploading some obscene graphic image, can't you? I'm at WORK for Godsakes.

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