Republicans have finally released their definitive list of what the American people want.

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The tags are there to get your attention

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New hockey team

Anal rape (lubeless/sandpaper condom)

A New way to eat pizza

A gun in every house, personal Barack Obama clone cooking in every kitchen, nothing stew in every pot, Barack Obama clone chauffeur in every garage

A new definition for compromise
Pay Per View death penalty stravaganza (all proceeds used to pay for Bush tax cuts)

Less government more free time for government officials

Misrepresentations of iconic figures, things they said, and things they did

New ways and means to be racist with out coming off as racist

Legislation making it legal for white people to drop the n bomb

An official/notarized thank you from black people for the "free ride"

Penis shortening for the all intensive purposes of creating an even playing field/equal opportunity/ feeling of adequacy

An immediate hault of all dancing anywhere (aka footlose act)

More Sarah Palin less common sense

Outlawing of gay sex outside of an airport bath room stall, weekend bender, with provisions protecting the "I was drunk I swear," "he sucked my dick... im not a queer," and "do as I say not as I do" defense.

Weekly monster truck rallies in all major cities across the u.s.

Referendum on pumpkin colored spray on tan

Diplomatic immunity for 1% of population (guess which one)

Less regulation more boneless wing specials at upstanding establishments such as bw3, applebee's, fridays, sizzler, and hooters

A bottle of catsup for every steak

Outlawing the use of the word ketchup making catsup the only appropriate nomenclature for such a divine product

Exploratory committee to determine if the holocaust really happened and if Hitler was actually "that bad of a guy"

New episodes of 'Jake & The Fat Man' and 'Dr. Quin Medicine Woman'

Featured length movie based on the TV show Xena Warrior Princess starring Michelle Bachman and Christine O'Donnell

Razor blade Tooth Brush's

B.O. scented deodorant

New National Anthem written by Darius Rucker and Randy Newman

Cheaper yearly dues for members of NAMBLA

Legislation forcing every American to become a member of NAMBLA

Creed, George Thorogood, and Nickelback forming a super group called "Feces Speaking"

Government spending on casette tape technology